Check out my new video from my YouTube channel where I discuss the problem with talking about self hate to black people. Be sure to like, comment, subscribe, and share if you like it. Thank you.
I think about all the woman teachers who made news headlines a few years ago because people were wondering if their clothes were too revealing to be in a school environment. Patrice Brown, a.k.a. “Teacher Bae”, is one of many great examples of this. She went viral a few years ago because people made her attire controversial. To a person that hadn’t seen a photo of her, by the way people were reacting, they would think the teacher was wearing a ridiculously short skirt or a shirt that showed too much cleavage. Not at all! She was fully dressed. Her dress reached to her knees. Nothing was showing except her legs.
I remember seeing a picture of Fantasia on Facebook years ago where she was wearing a leotard and many people in the comments were screaming at her to “put some pants on”. By the way the leotard was made, the whole thing couldn’t be seen, so it looked like she was just wearing a top with no pants. I think about how women like Rihanna, Beyoncé, and Ariana Grande dress. They wear short things that show their legs all the time and I’ve never heard anyone tell them to “put pants on” under their pictures (unless they barely have anything on at all). Did people react to Fantasia that way because she has bigger legs?
(This isn’t the exact photo of her I’m talking about, but she was wearing something like this.)
I remember one time I wore some shorts and my dad told me I should “wear pants instead” because they were “too revealing”. I’m in my twenties, so he didn’t say it because of my age or because because I’m “too young”, I should say. And my shorts were no different than any other shorts that people wear. They weren’t too short or too tight. I kept wearing the shorts anyway because I knew there was no problem with them. I think he only said that because I have big legs. I noticed no one ever tells thin women that they can’t wear shorts or skirts that show their legs because it’ll be “too revealing”. I’ve only heard it said to women with bigger legs.
I’ve seen many other posts and photos on social media of people taking women of any profession who were curvy and FULLY CLOTHED asking if what they’re wearing is “appropriate”. What I gathered from all of this is that many people just might be creeped out or intimidated by women with curves or women who have big legs and they project it on to these women to make it look like the women are the problem, but in reality, THESE PEOPLE COMPLAINING are the problem.
My theory on why people are intimidated is that men are because they are actually attracted to these curvy women or women who have big legs, but they probably feel like they can’t or shouldn’t act on it, so they project and try to tell these women to change what they’re wearing.
The women are probably intimidated, most likely, due to jealousy. The women saying these women are “dressed inappropriately” are jealous because they wished they looked like that, but because they don’t, they project and make it seem like the woman is the problem.
This also sounds like sexism. It sounds like people are looking for an excuse to police what women wear. How come there are no viral stories on the internet asking if what a man wore to work was appropriate?
It’s a shame that our society is like this. Leave curvy women alone! The problem is not them or what they’re wearing. It’s THESE PEOPLE wanting something to say!
I’ve heard this debate go on in music, particularly hip-hop, for years. I see so many people online and hear so many people in public debating about whether lyrics matter more in a song or if beats matter more. Some people say that lyrics don’t matter at all and the beat and hook to a song is the most important of all.
I believe that choosing one over the other is both wrong. I believe both lyrics AND beats are equally important. Songs would’ve have words if lyrics didn’t matter. Songs wouldn’t have beats if beats didn’t matter. In a lot of songs, there’s a lot of work that gets put into the lyrics. There’s a lot of work that gets put into beats as well. Both take talent and skill to make, so to say either one doesn’t matter, to me, sounds like downplaying the work these people put in to make a song what it is. And it’s only being downplayed due to ignorance. Many people who listen to music have never wrote a song or produced a beat a day in their lives, so they don’t understand the work that goes into it.
I think the people that say lyrics don’t matter in a song more than likely are incapable of listening to lyrics. They just don’t know how to listen to lyrics or they don’t understand them, so they ignore them and go straight to the beat and hook.
I also think saying lyrics don’t matter in a song is a lie probably created by the music industry. A lot of songs send horrible messages. A lot of songs promote things like murder, rape, disrespect, and drugs. The music industry doesn’t want to stop promoting these negative messages, so they try to fool people into not worrying about lyrics.
If we say lyrics don’t matter, then these types of lyrics will go over everyone’s heads and they’ll be listening to these types of songs and promoting these messages without batting an eyelash.
Just like you have to know the type of food you’re putting in your body to stay healthy, you have to know what music you’re listening to in order to keep your mind healthy. It might sound crazy, but it’s true. (You have to do the same with television, too. You have to know what types of shows you’re watching on television and what messages they are sending. It’s not just a TV show. It’s not just a movie. It’s not just a cartoon, but this is a topic for a totally different post.)
The topic of colorism is becoming more and more widespread now than it ever has been. I’m extremely proud of that because I really think that needs to be talked about more and the people guilty of perpetrating it needs to be called out and held accountable. Especially since this topic is ignored, deflected against, and swept under the rug A LOT.
Although I’m happy about colorism being talked about more, I did notice one problem with it. When talking about it, most people only talk about how it affects black women. Rarely are there ever any conversations about helping dark skinned men be confident in their skin or protect them from being discriminated against or disrespected for their skin. When dark skinned men are attacked for their skin, there aren’t as many people defending them like they do with dark skinned women who are attacked.
Lots of people point out how dark skinned women are overlooked, undercasted, and poorly represented in Hollywood. Lots of people called out the black men who publicly took swipes at Lupita Nyong’o for her dark skin. Lots of people dragged Kodak Black into outer space for his derogatory comments against dark skinned women. Oprah did an episode about colorism on her Lifeclass show. GREAT episode, by the way. I loved how everyone got to share their experiences with colorism and how they tackled the issue. But there was one problem. WHERE WERE THE BLACK MEN?!? Tons of black women shared their stories with colorism on the episode, but where were the black men to share their stories with colorism? (To add, another thing I wasn’t quite okay with in the episode was how they laughed and joked when they started talking about the Paper Bag Test. There’s NOTHING funny about that! Still to this day, many black people are mistreated, disrespected, discriminated against, and undervalued because their skin color is darker than a paper bag. If we’re going to talk about this stuff, we have to take it seriously! Sugarcoating and making jokes is NOT the way to solve a problem).
I will use some black male celebrities here as an example to prove that nobody really cares about how colorism affects black men.
I believe this happened back in 2009. There was an altercation where Fabolous went at T-Pain because he thought that T-Pain made a tweet saying, ‘Fuck Fabolous’. In response to this, Fabolous sent out a series of tweets:
But thats jus a taste of what u’ll get if u fuck wit me via twitter, Back to my Twitter chillin
Ok so i jus got word that it wasnt Tpain’s twitter page who said Fuck Fabolous..a fake page, w/ 900 followers.. oooops, damn i went in LOL
F.Y.I. This is not a beef.. jus Twitter fun. someone retweeted that Tpain said Fuck Me on twitter & truthfully i dont know if he said or not
#tpainbetter chill cuz i will air this ***** via twitter
#tpainbetter thank me.. he’s #1 TT.. the only place his name gonna b #1 for a lonnnggggggg time!
#tpainbetter apologize & blame it on the al-a-a-al-a-al-cohol
#tpainbetter stop singin in the fan… that aint talent we can all do that
#tpainbetter audition to be a California Raisin.. He’s done!
#uknowhowiknowuregay cuz u do a song wit Lil Wayne & change ur name to T-Wayne…eeeel
#tpainbetter stop playin for JayZ buys every autotune machine in the world & end his career
#tpainbetter stay his ass outta the sun for the rest of his life!!
#tpainbetter give Mr. Monopoly back his top hats!!
#tpainbetter not meet me in Brooklyn
After D.O.A., #tpainbetter not be mad, UPS is hiring!!
Jus heard Tpain says Fuck JayZ & Fuck Fabolous too over Twitter… Ok, now me & my twiggas/Street Twitter Ditta Dam must go in on him!
It was later confirmed that T-Pain didn’t really tweet that and it came from a fake page. As you can see, Fabolous admitted it in one of those tweets in the series. Even after knowing the tweet was fake, he still didn’t stop or even apologize for anything he said.
And even if T-Pain did actually tweet that about him, why does ONE statement generate this type of response? Obviously something else is going on with him here and I believe I know what it is, but I’m not going to get into it here because I feel like it will shift the focus of this post.
In one of the tweets, after realizing it wasn’t really T-Pain who made the tweet, Fabolous said he said all this not to diss, but for “fun”. This is what happens when black men get attacked for their dark skin. It gets classified as “fun” and people dismiss the blatant colorism because of it, thinking, “It’s just a joke”, “We’re just having fun”, etc. And I think this is one of the main reasons why no one speaks out against colorism against black men. But people, colorism is NOT funny!
And speaking of funny, I don’t even think anyone defended T-Pain against Fabolous for saying any of this. They just thought it was funny. Were T-Pain a dark skinned female celebrity Fabolous was saying all of this to, black Twitter would’ve definitely DISMEMBERED him and nobody would’ve cared that he said all that just for “Twitter fun”. As a matter of fact, I think him saying it was just “Twitter fun” would’ve made black Twitter angrier if T-Pain were a woman! Especially in this day and age when black women are being defended more against colorism than ever before.
Even though he doesn’t talk about it much, like most black men when it comes to colorism, T-Pain talked about how record labels rejected him because he wanted to be an R&B singer. They believed he would be better off going into rap. I believe they did this because he was a dark skinned man with dreadlocks. They thought he would be better being a thugged out rapper. Most dark skinned rappers had thuggish or threatening images. Think the likes of 50 Cent. I just don’t know why Hollywood is so bent on portraying our dark skinned men this way. He was obviously being discriminated against because of his looks, colorism, and racism. People don’t want to look at it this way, but it’s so obvious.
Akon is another black male celebrity that gets attacked for his dark skin quite a bit. I’ve heard lots of rappers say, “My car black like Akon” in their songs. If I hear another rapper make that stupid line in their raps, I’m going to lose it! On his Behind The Music episode, Akon mentioned how he would get into a lot of fights in school because he was picked on a lot. And I’m sure he was picked on because he was dark skinned and African. We know how a lot of black people believe all of America’s negative, racist portrayals of Africa in its media and respond accordingly. Even his mother who featured on the episode said that kids used to call him names, like “African Booty Scratcher”. We ALL know that’s a word black people use to attack someone who’s dark skinned. (Don’t try to deny it! Nobody has ever called a light skinned or mixed person that!)
And Akon has a brother named Bu who gets attacked for his dark skin as well. Look up his interviews on YouTube and read the comments. I’m happy that there were some people defending him, but the amount of colorist remarks in the comment sections on his videos are still just downright disgusting! With some of the comments I’ve seen, you would think that there were a bunch of racist white people trolling his page, but I know for a fact that most of those comments were from other black people.
A while back, there was one comment I saw on one of the videos that complimented his skin and said it was beautiful and lots of people responded to it negatively. What was the negativity about? Because someone thought a man’s dark skin was beautiful when they considered it ugly and it made them feel some type of way? No one would’ve responded to that comment negatively if he were a woman. They would agree and call her a melanin goddess and say things like, “Black don’t crack”.
If you can remember and think back, Bernie Mac was the brunt of quite a few jokes about his skin color in movies and TV shows.
I’ve heard people make remarks about Wesley Snipes’ dark skin as well.
And we all know Biggie’s line where he said in one of his songs that he’s “BLACK and ugly as ever”.
Tommy Sotomayor talked in many videos about how he was teased for his dark skin growing up, even by his own mother (That’s a HUGE thing to talk about as well when talking about colorism. A lot of this nonsense starts AT HOME, where dark skinned people’s OWN PARENTS and FAMILY MEMBERS make negative comments about their dark skin). He mentioned in one video that the first woman to compliment him for his skin in his life was a white woman (That’s a shame. As much as us black people complain about white people being racist, I shouldn’t be hearing any stories like this, but here we are).
Now, think about this. Have you noticed the amount of dark skinned male celebrities who have stage names where they’re calling themselves black? For example: Kodak BLACK, BLAC Youngsta (his is spelled without a ‘k’), CRISPY BLACK (This is an actual rapper’s name! Look it up! It surprised me too!), Michael BLACKson. And let’s not forget that almost every black person knows that one dark skinned man in their neighborhoods nicknamed “Black” or “Smoke”.
Is there a coincidence that all these black men are dark skinned and calling themselves “black”? How many light skinned or mixed men refer to themselves as “black” as a nickname or stage name?
And since I mentioned Michael Blackson, his whole gimmick in comedy is surrounded by making jokes about his dark skin and being from Africa. On his social media, he “jokes” with people who go back and forth making jokes about his dark skin and being African. I believe comedy is his way of dealing with his pain of experiencing colorism and being attacked for his dark skin and being African all his life.
I see this pattern with many dark skinned men. I believe they were attacked and discriminated against for their dark skin for so long, they began to make fun of and attack themselves. I believe this is their way of dealing with their pain. This is why we see so many dark skinned men nicknaming themselves “Black”. This is why we see dark skinned men make so many dark skinned jokes about themselves and other dark skinned people. This is internalized racism.
When the topic of colorism comes up, especially when it’s time to talk about black men, I hear a lot of people say, “It’s not about colorism”, “It’s not that deep”, “It’s just jokes”, etc. All of these sayings are FALSE. They are all excuses. All deflecting. All gaslighting. All lies. All lame.
Another thing I’m tired of is when someone does point out how America is more discriminating and unfair, particularly within the justice system and with police, moreso with dark skinned men than anyone else, someone always has to respond with, “They treat light skinned men like that, too, because we’re all black”. This is another blatant lie to minimize colorism against dark skinned men, especially in the justice system. Dark skinned men are more likely to get harsher prison sentences for a given crime than anyone else. Dark skinned men are more likely to be killed by police than a light skinned or mixed man. Look at the news! All or most of the unarmed black men that Black Lives Matter is fighting for justice for that police have killed are dark skinned. We all know this. Why are we so dismissive and acting so blind?!?? I just don’t get it!
I believe people try to minimize colorism against dark skinned men because they want to uphold the belief that dark skinned women have it worst. And that’s just NOT true. All dark skinned black people, whether they’re a man or woman, experience colorism. People just don’t see it because men handle it differently and society handles it differently.
We really need to start including black men in discussions about colorism and allow them to share their stories and experiences with it. And black men also need to not be afraid to express these feelings and stories because I do think a lot of black men are afraid to talk about how colorism affects them. Maybe they feel it will make them look weak. Maybe they feel the topic hits too close to home.
I dont even know how or why colorism came about to only focus on black women. Maybe it’s a tactic used to turn black men and women against each other? Maybe it’s because black women want all the attention to be on themselves? I just don’t know.
We will only be able to heal if we talk about these things instead of denying it or sweeping it under the rug. Think about any other problem in life. You can never fix it unless you acknowledge and identify it first. Ignoring, making excuses, denying, and lying to yourself about the problem doesn’t make it go away or make it not exist. It makes it worst.
This colorism that dark skinned men experience is probably a huge reason why many of them overlook or find dark skinned women unattractive and prefer light skinned or nonblack women. As much as black women complain about black men overlooking them, especially if they’re dark skinned, many dark skinned black men have been overlooked, rejected, and put down by black women as well because of their dark skin; they just don’t speak out about it much.
I believe that dark skinned men who overlook and talk down about dark skinned women actually hate that the woman reminds them of how much they hate their own skin tone. Also, I think they may seek out light skinned or nonblack women because they don’t want their children to experience what they experienced in their lives due to dark skin. If they date or marry a light skinned or nonblack woman, chances are their children will come out light skinned.
I really hope we can start including black men in our conversations about colorism very, very soon because these stories I highlighted in this post as well as many others I’ve heard and witnessed throughout my life really break my heart. I’m saddened. I’m hurt. I’m disgusted. We really need to resolve all the colorism issues between all black people. It’s not normal at all for our people to have these types of stories and nothing gets done about it. Or we pretend that it’s not that serious and it’s all in their heads.
I kind of didn’t want to write about this because it’s such a touchy subject and ruffles quite a few feathers, but I think this had to be said anyway. As of recent years, I’ve been hearing more and more black women say they wear weave as a “protective style” for their natural hair. I hate to say it, but hearing so many black women say this irritates me! It’s a really big, obvious lie, but so many black women cling onto it like they don’t see it.
I went natural a few years ago and I did it with the help of lots of natural hair tutorials on YouTube. Through watching those videos, I saw that no one needs weave to grow hair. I saw so many black women who grew their hair to bra strap length and longer WITHOUT weave.
I think of all the black women who had big, beautiful afros during the ’60s and ’70s and I never saw them use weave to grow it. I think of how long black women have been on this earth. We’ve had this same hair since the dawn of time. Why now, all of a sudden, do we need weave to grow our hair? When I think of it this way, this excuse sounds even more ridiculous. It really sadly proves how brainwashed we are about our own hair in this society. The truth is we’ve been conditioned with straight hair for so long, we literally forgot how to take care of our real hair how it grows out the scalp.
I believe women who wear weave hijacked the protective style term from the natural hair community. While on my journey of learning how to grow and care for my natural hair, I learned that protective styles are styles that you do with YOUR OWN hair to protect the ends, like braids or twists. Not once did I see these women use or mention weave.
I believe these women hijacked this term from the natural hair community because they want to go natural, but they aren’t 100% ready to give up weave completely. They’re so used to wearing weave, they don’t want to give it up just yet. The natural hair community has really shattered a lot of lies and excuses that’s been going around about our hair for many, many years—black people’s hair can’t grow long; only nonblack and mixed people’s hair can grow long; our hair is unmanageable; our hair is ugly, and so many others.
Since the natural hair community shattered all of these lies and excuses, there’s literally NO reason to wear weave at all. So the weave wearing women made one up to make it seem like there’s still a use for weaves amongst black women. I’m also thinking that maybe the hair industry made up and is pushing this lie. With more black women going natural, I’m sure it’s threatening the weave business. With more black women going natural, less of them would buy weave. So they needed to push that to keep black women buying weaves.
I know we don’t like to hear this, but we as black women need to give up weave FOR GOOD! Let’s stop following this society’s rules about how straight hair is better. Let’s stop allowing this society to force us into hating our hair. Let’s give up weave 100%. I know you might be afraid, but please don’t be. We need to go back to loving and accepting our true selves. We don’t need to wait until it’s considered “cool” by the rest of society to do it. We have to just do it and forget about anyone who has a negative comment.
When I first cut my hair and went natural, I had to hear negative comments from my own dad and brothers, saying I needed a texturizer to “make my hair easier to manage”; saying I would never get a job with my hair; saying that my hair was going to fall out; all kinds of stupid, ignorant comments. But my want and love for my own hair far outweighed the negative comments from those closest to me. Also, lots of other people outside of my family always complimented my hair, so I knew that they were full of crap for saying what they were saying about my hair. Now that my hair has grown a lot, they’re saying they want their hair to grow and look like mine. Isn’t that something?
I’m sharing a little of my story because I know that many women are mostly afraid to go completely natural and give up weave because they’re afraid of negative comments. I know many of the negative comments will come from people closest to us. I want to encourage other women to not be afraid.
I now realize after being natural for a few years that the people who make negative comments are afraid, too. I believe that when women go natural, it sparks something in other people. I think deep down, they want to do it, too, and your hair inspired them, but they just don’t have the courage. I also think it has to do with them just not being used to your hair not being straight. They’re so used to seeing you and other women around them wear straight hair that when they see one that doesn’t have straight hair, they think it looks weird.
We really need to let go of these lies and excuses. We will never fully accept our hair as our own if we keep using them. Never in history have we ever needed weave to grow our hair! Let that sink in and let’s act accordingly.
I stumbled upon this video that was asking who looked better between Eminem’s daughter, Hailie, and Lil Wayne’s daughter, Reginae. In the comments, I saw lots of people saying, “Why are we comparing?” “They’re both beautiful women!” “Why must we put two women against each other?”
These people are correct by saying this by the way, but I feel it would hold more weight if I didn’t see people comparing black women to white women ALL THE TIME on social media. EVERYDAY to be exact! Because of that, I give the people saying that major side eye.
This video showed me that a lot of people only want to compare black women to white women who have aged. They rarely, if ever, compare themselves to white women who are attractive. I even saw a comment in the video that said, “Let’s see who will look better in 20 years.” That comment pretty much proves my point in this post.
The way I saw it, Hailie is attractive. So some people were shying away from comparing her and Reginae’s looks together.
I rarely ever see anyone compare black women’s attractiveness to women like Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian or even Ariana Grande. But they have all the smoke for some random old white woman online.
What does that say that some of our black people only feel comfortable comparing themselves to white and nonblack women after they have aged? Do some of us feel like we aren’t as attractive as an attractive white or nonblack woman?
For years, I’ve heard many people wish for the days of MySpace to come back. Many people say they miss MySpace and want it to be “popping” again. I realized that people aren’t really missing anything at all.
By the way these people talk, you would think MySpace was shut down to never be used again. Nope! MySpace is still here. And if you miss it that bad, you can easily reopen your account and ask your friends on other social media platforms to add you there, especially if those friends say they miss MySpace, too. But for some reason, people don’t want to do that. Why do people ask for things that have an obvious solution?
MySpace never left. PEOPLE LEFT MYSPACE! Then started crying about “missing” it. This is a weird phenomenon that I think should be examined. It makes me feel like many people in our society have some sort of mental issue.
What’s even weirder are the people who talk down about MySpace like they never used it ever in their lives. Almost everyone you know, probably yourself included, has used MySpace at one point in their lives and LOVED it, so to talk like that is beyond stupid to me. I believe those types of people miss MySpace the most and just talk like that to hide it.
I think this exposes the groupthink mentality that many people have and/or the low intelligence level. Who said people couldn’t use MySpace anymore? Why? Why were people so eager to go along with it?
This same phenomenon can be applied to people who say they “miss” certain music artists. A vast majority of the time, these artists never stopped making music. Just because you don’t hear them on the radio means nothing. It never did. These people have been making music long before they hit one radio station and they will continue making music still long after they are no longer on the radio. If you look them up on YouTube, Google, or their social media, you will immediately see that they have tons of new music out.
The artists never went anywhere. THE PEOPLE DID! The big question is why? If these people loved these things and celebrities so much, why did they abandon them? Why don’t they simply just go back to using it? Again, who’s saying we can’t love these things anymore? Why are we so eager to listen, then cry about “missing” them later?
With this phenomenon, I also realized that people cheat themselves out of tremendous power. People say they “want MySpace to be popping again”, yet don’t go back to using it. If they simply went back to using it, it would be “popping” again. Same thing with music artists. If they simply went back to listening to their music, follow them on social media, or whatever, and stopped waiting on the radio to tell them to, they would be popular again. Yet, for some weird reason, people just don’t do it. They cry about “missing” them instead.
What I hate the most about this is when this stuff is pointed out, people get defensive and act like they don’t see or notice this pattern. They do it ALL THE TIME with EVERYTHING!
I just want people to stop being a bunch of groupthinkers and think for themselves. Stop letting whatever it is tell you what to love. Love things because YOU love it. Stop loving things just because they’re popular amongst other people and have YOUR OWN reasons to love things.