The Problem With Talking About Self Hate To Black People

Check out my new video from my YouTube channel where I discuss the problem with talking about self hate to black people. Be sure to like, comment, subscribe, and share if you like it. Thank you.

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Nobody Cares About How Colorism Affects Black Men

The topic of colorism is becoming more and more widespread now than it ever has been. I’m extremely proud of that because I really think that needs to be talked about more and the people guilty of perpetrating it needs to be called out and held accountable. Especially since this topic is ignored, deflected against, and swept under the rug A LOT.

Although I’m happy about colorism being talked about more, I did notice one problem with it. When talking about it, most people only talk about how it affects black women. Rarely are there ever any conversations about helping dark skinned men be confident in their skin or protect them from being discriminated against or disrespected for their skin. When dark skinned men are attacked for their skin, there aren’t as many people defending them like they do with dark skinned women who are attacked.

Lots of people point out how dark skinned women are overlooked, undercasted, and poorly represented in Hollywood. Lots of people called out the black men who publicly took swipes at Lupita Nyong’o for her dark skin. Lots of people dragged Kodak Black into outer space for his derogatory comments against dark skinned women. Oprah did an episode about colorism on her Lifeclass show. GREAT episode, by the way. I loved how everyone got to share their experiences with colorism and how they tackled the issue. But there was one problem. WHERE WERE THE BLACK MEN?!? Tons of black women shared their stories with colorism on the episode, but where were the black men to share their stories with colorism? (To add, another thing I wasn’t quite okay with in the episode was how they laughed and joked when they started talking about the Paper Bag Test. There’s NOTHING funny about that! Still to this day, many black people are mistreated, disrespected, discriminated against, and undervalued because their skin color is darker than a paper bag. If we’re going to talk about this stuff, we have to take it seriously! Sugarcoating and making jokes is NOT the way to solve a problem).

I will use some black male celebrities here as an example to prove that nobody really cares about how colorism affects black men.

I believe this happened back in 2009. There was an altercation where Fabolous went at T-Pain because he thought that T-Pain made a tweet saying, ‘Fuck Fabolous’. In response to this, Fabolous sent out a series of tweets:

But thats jus a taste of what u’ll get if u fuck wit me via twitter, Back to my Twitter chillin

Ok so i jus got word that it wasnt Tpain’s twitter page who said Fuck Fabolous..a fake page, w/ 900 followers.. oooops, damn i went in LOL

F.Y.I. This is not a beef.. jus Twitter fun. someone retweeted that Tpain said Fuck Me on twitter & truthfully i dont know if he said or not

#tpainbetter chill cuz i will air this ***** via twitter

#tpainbetter thank me.. he’s #1 TT.. the only place his name gonna b #1 for a lonnnggggggg time!

#tpainbetter apologize & blame it on the al-a-a-al-a-al-cohol

#tpainbetter stop singin in the fan… that aint talent we can all do that

#tpainbetter audition to be a California Raisin.. He’s done!

#uknowhowiknowuregay cuz u do a song wit Lil Wayne & change ur name to T-Wayne…eeeel

#tpainbetter stop playin for JayZ buys every autotune machine in the world & end his career

#tpainbetter stay his ass outta the sun for the rest of his life!!

#tpainbetter give Mr. Monopoly back his top hats!!

#tpainbetter not meet me in Brooklyn

After D.O.A., #tpainbetter not be mad, UPS is hiring!!

Jus heard Tpain says Fuck JayZ & Fuck Fabolous too over Twitter… Ok, now me & my twiggas/Street Twitter Ditta Dam must go in on him!

It was later confirmed that T-Pain didn’t really tweet that and it came from a fake page. As you can see, Fabolous admitted it in one of those tweets in the series. Even after knowing the tweet was fake, he still didn’t stop or even apologize for anything he said.

And even if T-Pain did actually tweet that about him, why does ONE statement generate this type of response? Obviously something else is going on with him here and I believe I know what it is, but I’m not going to get into it here because I feel like it will shift the focus of this post.

In one of the tweets, after realizing it wasn’t really T-Pain who made the tweet, Fabolous said he said all this not to diss, but for “fun”. This is what happens when black men get attacked for their dark skin. It gets classified as “fun” and people dismiss the blatant colorism because of it, thinking, “It’s just a joke”, “We’re just having fun”, etc. And I think this is one of the main reasons why no one speaks out against colorism against black men. But people, colorism is NOT funny!

And speaking of funny, I don’t even think anyone defended T-Pain against Fabolous for saying any of this. They just thought it was funny. Were T-Pain a dark skinned female celebrity Fabolous was saying all of this to, black Twitter would’ve definitely DISMEMBERED him and nobody would’ve cared that he said all that just for “Twitter fun”. As a matter of fact, I think him saying it was just “Twitter fun” would’ve made black Twitter angrier if T-Pain were a woman! Especially in this day and age when black women are being defended more against colorism than ever before.

Even though he doesn’t talk about it much, like most black men when it comes to colorism, T-Pain talked about how record labels rejected him because he wanted to be an R&B singer. They believed he would be better off going into rap. I believe they did this because he was a dark skinned man with dreadlocks. They thought he would be better being a thugged out rapper. Most dark skinned rappers had thuggish or threatening images. Think the likes of 50 Cent. I just don’t know why Hollywood is so bent on portraying our dark skinned men this way. He was obviously being discriminated against because of his looks, colorism, and racism. People don’t want to look at it this way, but it’s so obvious.

Akon is another black male celebrity that gets attacked for his dark skin quite a bit. I’ve heard lots of rappers say, “My car black like Akon” in their songs. If I hear another rapper make that stupid line in their raps, I’m going to lose it! On his Behind The Music episode, Akon mentioned how he would get into a lot of fights in school because he was picked on a lot. And I’m sure he was picked on because he was dark skinned and African. We know how a lot of black people believe all of America’s negative, racist portrayals of Africa in its media and respond accordingly. Even his mother who featured on the episode said that kids used to call him names, like “African Booty Scratcher”. We ALL know that’s a word black people use to attack someone who’s dark skinned. (Don’t try to deny it! Nobody has ever called a light skinned or mixed person that!)

And Akon has a brother named Bu who gets attacked for his dark skin as well. Look up his interviews on YouTube and read the comments. I’m happy that there were some people defending him, but the amount of colorist remarks in the comment sections on his videos are still just downright disgusting! With some of the comments I’ve seen, you would think that there were a bunch of racist white people trolling his page, but I know for a fact that most of those comments were from other black people.

A while back, there was one comment I saw on one of the videos that complimented his skin and said it was beautiful and lots of people responded to it negatively. What was the negativity about? Because someone thought a man’s dark skin was beautiful when they considered it ugly and it made them feel some type of way? No one would’ve responded to that comment negatively if he were a woman. They would agree and call her a melanin goddess and say things like, “Black don’t crack”.

If you can remember and think back, Bernie Mac was the brunt of quite a few jokes about his skin color in movies and TV shows.

I’ve heard people make remarks about Wesley Snipes’ dark skin as well.

And we all know Biggie’s line where he said in one of his songs that he’s “BLACK and ugly as ever”.

Tommy Sotomayor talked in many videos about how he was teased for his dark skin growing up, even by his own mother (That’s a HUGE thing to talk about as well when talking about colorism. A lot of this nonsense starts AT HOME, where dark skinned people’s OWN PARENTS and FAMILY MEMBERS make negative comments about their dark skin). He mentioned in one video that the first woman to compliment him for his skin in his life was a white woman (That’s a shame. As much as us black people complain about white people being racist, I shouldn’t be hearing any stories like this, but here we are).

Now, think about this. Have you noticed the amount of dark skinned male celebrities who have stage names where they’re calling themselves black? For example: Kodak BLACK, BLAC Youngsta (his is spelled without a ‘k’), CRISPY BLACK (This is an actual rapper’s name! Look it up! It surprised me too!), Michael BLACKson. And let’s not forget that almost every black person knows that one dark skinned man in their neighborhoods nicknamed “Black” or “Smoke”.

Is there a coincidence that all these black men are dark skinned and calling themselves “black”? How many light skinned or mixed men refer to themselves as “black” as a nickname or stage name?

And since I mentioned Michael Blackson, his whole gimmick in comedy is surrounded by making jokes about his dark skin and being from Africa. On his social media, he “jokes” with people who go back and forth making jokes about his dark skin and being African. I believe comedy is his way of dealing with his pain of experiencing colorism and being attacked for his dark skin and being African all his life.

I see this pattern with many dark skinned men. I believe they were attacked and discriminated against for their dark skin for so long, they began to make fun of and attack themselves. I believe this is their way of dealing with their pain. This is why we see so many dark skinned men nicknaming themselves “Black”. This is why we see dark skinned men make so many dark skinned jokes about themselves and other dark skinned people. This is internalized racism.

When the topic of colorism comes up, especially when it’s time to talk about black men, I hear a lot of people say, “It’s not about colorism”, “It’s not that deep”, “It’s just jokes”, etc. All of these sayings are FALSE. They are all excuses. All deflecting. All gaslighting. All lies. All lame.

Another thing I’m tired of is when someone does point out how America is more discriminating and unfair, particularly within the justice system and with police, moreso with dark skinned men than anyone else, someone always has to respond with, “They treat light skinned men like that, too, because we’re all black”. This is another blatant lie to minimize colorism against dark skinned men, especially in the justice system. Dark skinned men are more likely to get harsher prison sentences for a given crime than anyone else. Dark skinned men are more likely to be killed by police than a light skinned or mixed man. Look at the news! All or most of the unarmed black men that Black Lives Matter is fighting for justice for that police have killed are dark skinned. We all know this. Why are we so dismissive and acting so blind?!?? I just don’t get it!

I believe people try to minimize colorism against dark skinned men because they want to uphold the belief that dark skinned women have it worst. And that’s just NOT true. All dark skinned black people, whether they’re a man or woman, experience colorism. People just don’t see it because men handle it differently and society handles it differently.

We really need to start including black men in discussions about colorism and allow them to share their stories and experiences with it. And black men also need to not be afraid to express these feelings and stories because I do think a lot of black men are afraid to talk about how colorism affects them. Maybe they feel it will make them look weak. Maybe they feel the topic hits too close to home.

I dont even know how or why colorism came about to only focus on black women. Maybe it’s a tactic used to turn black men and women against each other? Maybe it’s because black women want all the attention to be on themselves? I just don’t know.

We will only be able to heal if we talk about these things instead of denying it or sweeping it under the rug. Think about any other problem in life. You can never fix it unless you acknowledge and identify it first. Ignoring, making excuses, denying, and lying to yourself about the problem doesn’t make it go away or make it not exist. It makes it worst.

This colorism that dark skinned men experience is probably a huge reason why many of them overlook or find dark skinned women unattractive and prefer light skinned or nonblack women. As much as black women complain about black men overlooking them, especially if they’re dark skinned, many dark skinned black men have been overlooked, rejected, and put down by black women as well because of their dark skin; they just don’t speak out about it much.

I believe that dark skinned men who overlook and talk down about dark skinned women actually hate that the woman reminds them of how much they hate their own skin tone. Also, I think they may seek out light skinned or nonblack women because they don’t want their children to experience what they experienced in their lives due to dark skin. If they date or marry a light skinned or nonblack woman, chances are their children will come out light skinned.

I really hope we can start including black men in our conversations about colorism very, very soon because these stories I highlighted in this post as well as many others I’ve heard and witnessed throughout my life really break my heart. I’m saddened. I’m hurt. I’m disgusted. We really need to resolve all the colorism issues between all black people. It’s not normal at all for our people to have these types of stories and nothing gets done about it. Or we pretend that it’s not that serious and it’s all in their heads.

Weave As A Protective Style Is A Lie & An Excuse

I kind of didn’t want to write about this because it’s such a touchy subject and ruffles quite a few feathers, but I think this had to be said anyway. As of recent years, I’ve been hearing more and more black women say they wear weave as a “protective style” for their natural hair. I hate to say it, but hearing so many black women say this irritates me! It’s a really big, obvious lie, but so many black women cling onto it like they don’t see it.

I went natural a few years ago and I did it with the help of lots of natural hair tutorials on YouTube. Through watching those videos, I saw that no one needs weave to grow hair. I saw so many black women who grew their hair to bra strap length and longer WITHOUT weave.

I think of all the black women who had big, beautiful afros during the ’60s and ’70s and I never saw them use weave to grow it. I think of how long black women have been on this earth. We’ve had this same hair since the dawn of time. Why now, all of a sudden, do we need weave to grow our hair? When I think of it this way, this excuse sounds even more ridiculous. It really sadly proves how brainwashed we are about our own hair in this society. The truth is we’ve been conditioned with straight hair for so long, we literally forgot how to take care of our real hair how it grows out the scalp.

I believe women who wear weave hijacked the protective style term from the natural hair community. While on my journey of learning how to grow and care for my natural hair, I learned that protective styles are styles that you do with YOUR OWN hair to protect the ends, like braids or twists. Not once did I see these women use or mention weave.

I believe these women hijacked this term from the natural hair community because they want to go natural, but they aren’t 100% ready to give up weave completely. They’re so used to wearing weave, they don’t want to give it up just yet. The natural hair community has really shattered a lot of lies and excuses that’s been going around about our hair for many, many years—black people’s hair can’t grow long; only nonblack and mixed people’s hair can grow long; our hair is unmanageable; our hair is ugly, and so many others.

Since the natural hair community shattered all of these lies and excuses, there’s literally NO reason to wear weave at all. So the weave wearing women made one up to make it seem like there’s still a use for weaves amongst black women. I’m also thinking that maybe the hair industry made up and is pushing this lie. With more black women going natural, I’m sure it’s threatening the weave business. With more black women going natural, less of them would buy weave. So they needed to push that to keep black women buying weaves.

I know we don’t like to hear this, but we as black women need to give up weave FOR GOOD! Let’s stop following this society’s rules about how straight hair is better. Let’s stop allowing this society to force us into hating our hair. Let’s give up weave 100%. I know you might be afraid, but please don’t be. We need to go back to loving and accepting our true selves. We don’t need to wait until it’s considered “cool” by the rest of society to do it. We have to just do it and forget about anyone who has a negative comment.

When I first cut my hair and went natural, I had to hear negative comments from my own dad and brothers, saying I needed a texturizer to “make my hair easier to manage”; saying I would never get a job with my hair; saying that my hair was going to fall out; all kinds of stupid, ignorant comments. But my want and love for my own hair far outweighed the negative comments from those closest to me. Also, lots of other people outside of my family always complimented my hair, so I knew that they were full of crap for saying what they were saying about my hair. Now that my hair has grown a lot, they’re saying they want their hair to grow and look like mine. Isn’t that something?

I’m sharing a little of my story because I know that many women are mostly afraid to go completely natural and give up weave because they’re afraid of negative comments. I know many of the negative comments will come from people closest to us. I want to encourage other women to not be afraid.

I now realize after being natural for a few years that the people who make negative comments are afraid, too. I believe that when women go natural, it sparks something in other people. I think deep down, they want to do it, too, and your hair inspired them, but they just don’t have the courage. I also think it has to do with them just not being used to your hair not being straight. They’re so used to seeing you and other women around them wear straight hair that when they see one that doesn’t have straight hair, they think it looks weird.

We really need to let go of these lies and excuses. We will never fully accept our hair as our own if we keep using them. Never in history have we ever needed weave to grow our hair! Let that sink in and let’s act accordingly.

What This Video Showed Me

I stumbled upon this video that was asking who looked better between Eminem’s daughter, Hailie, and Lil Wayne’s daughter, Reginae. In the comments, I saw lots of people saying, “Why are we comparing?” “They’re both beautiful women!” “Why must we put two women against each other?”

These people are correct by saying this by the way, but I feel it would hold more weight if I didn’t see people comparing black women to white women ALL THE TIME on social media. EVERYDAY to be exact! Because of that, I give the people saying that major side eye.

This video showed me that a lot of people only want to compare black women to white women who have aged. They rarely, if ever, compare themselves to white women who are attractive. I even saw a comment in the video that said, “Let’s see who will look better in 20 years.” That comment pretty much proves my point in this post.

The way I saw it, Hailie is attractive. So some people were shying away from comparing her and Reginae’s looks together.

I rarely ever see anyone compare black women’s attractiveness to women like Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian or even Ariana Grande. But they have all the smoke for some random old white woman online.

What does that say that some of our black people only feel comfortable comparing themselves to white and nonblack women after they have aged? Do some of us feel like we aren’t as attractive as an attractive white or nonblack woman?

Solange-Tina Taught Me

I love this interlude, “Tina Taught Me”, from Solange’s album, A Seat At The Table. The instrumental to “Don’t Touch My Hair” playing in the background makes it even better. Solange’s mother, Tina Knowles, spoke a message I couldn’t agree with more if I wanted to. A message full of being proud of being black. She also talks about how here in America, black people are not allowed to express pride in being black and if we do, it is taken as us being anti-white. The truth is white people are anti-black. They hate our culture. They don’t want us to love our culture and try to push their culture on us. They’ve done this for centuries. This is why our original culture(s), language(s), etc., were stripped away from us and replaced with theirs. I believe this is why when we express pride in loving ourselves and our culture, they take it as us not liking their culture. They take us expressing love and pride in ourselves as rejecting their culture that they’re forcing on us.

It’s Not Because You’re Dark Skinned. It’s Your Attitude

When the topic of colorism is brought up, many people have knee jerk reactions to deny that discrimination and disrespect due to being dark skinned is the case. This statement, “It’s not because you’re dark skinned; it’s your attitude”, is one of them. I usually hear people saying it to dark skinned women when they talk about colorism.

I see this, as well as many other knee jerk reactions against colorism accusations, as nothing more than excuses. People don’t want to admit to hating dark skin, so they have all kinds of excuses to cover it up. I’ve seen dark skinned people do nothing, but mind their own business and people still treat them rudely. People still call them names that insult their dark skin. So, it’s not just about attitude.

And if dark skin wasn’t an issue and it was just about attitude, why are there people who tell dark skinned women they’re pretty “to be dark”. Why can’t they just be pretty? To tell someone they’re attractive “to be dark” means you think dark skin usually isn’t attractive to you and now you’re shocked because you see an attractive person that’s dark skinned. And let’s not say people say that because of “preference” because no one has ever told a light skinned or mixed woman that they were pretty “to be light”. I’ve heard people say it the other way around, though: “If you’re ugly and you’re light skinned, I feel sorry for you”, “Being light skinned doesn’t automatically make you pretty”, etc. So, with these statements alone, obviously people feel some kind of way about dark skin. And these statements say a lot about how people view dark skin and light skin. What is it saying if people feel like they have to constantly remind everyone that light skin doesn’t automatically make someone pretty or dark skin doesn’t automatically make someone ugly?

Another thing that makes me believe this statement is a load of crap is a lot of times black men this say to dark skinned women, but not much later, you will hear black men talking about how sexy a Latina or other nonblack woman is when they have attitudes. If attitudes are unattractive, why are they only unattractive on dark skinned black women? Why is it attractive on nonblack women?

There is this one video I remember Tommy Sotomayor doing on dark skinned women and their attitudes. I don’t remember the name of it, but I do remember him saying something like overweight dark skinned women who have horrible attitudes should say to themselves, “I already have two strikes against me.” And I’m guessing he meant they should be nicer, but instead, their attitudes are even worst. First of all, what did he mean by this woman already having “two strikes” against her? While he was trying to make it seem like it was just her attitude in this video, he didn’t realize that he just exposed how people will automatically treat her differently, or I should say NEGATIVELY, because of these “two strikes”, which is her being overweight and her being dark skinned. And because she’s overweight and dark skinned, she has to be “nicer” to get people to like her and treat her right.

There was another video I saw from another YouTuber who said that it’s the attitudes of dark skinned women that make men want to get with light skinned women over them. He said that dark skinned women always complaining about how they are over looked for light skinned women is what makes them unattractive and that light skinned women are more attractive because they’re usually “more confident” than dark skinned women.

I feel like what they gloss over is how society usually treats light skinned women a lot better than they treat dark skinned women. Of course they will have more confidence! If society treated light skinned women like they treat dark skinned women, they would act the exact same way.

I don’t know why so many people in our society try to deny such obvious things when it comes to dark skin, but it really has to stop.

This is the thing people always love tiptoeing around when this topic is brought up. This society treats dark skinned people, especially women, like TRASH, especially if they’re overweight! Yet, people still want these people to just roll over and take it with a smile and say nothing about it.

STOP DENYING COLORISM! STOP IGNORING COLORISM! OPEN YOUR EYES AND START BEING HONEST WITH YOURSELVES!

Was Slavery A Choice?

Photo: (Wikipedia)

Kanye West said slavery was a choice. Dr. Claude Anderson said slavery was a choice. Tommy Sotomayor said slavery was a choice. So many others said slavery was a choice and a lot of people agreed. But I have to say I heavily disagree. This statement isn’t true in the slightest.

If people read just one history book or article, they will know that there were tons of slave rebellions. There were tons of slaves who killed themselves and their own children rather than living the rest of their lives as slaves. There were tons of slaves who tried to run away. Some were successful. Some were unsuccessful. There were tons of abolitionists who fought to end slavery. Slaves didn’t just sit there and say, “Okay. I’ll be a slave.” They always fought back. It’s just that fighting wasn’t enough to end it. Another thing to take into account, too, is that a lot of slave masters had weapons to use to keep slaves in line. A lot of the slaves didn’t have weapons to protect themselves. Slave masters were doing all kinds of evil things to slaves in front of all the other slaves to keep them in line. They were traumatizing them! Another thing, too, is that the government agreed and passed laws to keep slavery around. The government wasn’t on the slaves’ side at all. I feel like this should be common sense, but for some weird reason, for some people, it isn’t.

Saying “slavery was a choice” kind of sounds like victim blaming to me. It sounds just like saying the millions of people who get robbed all over the world at gunpoint chose to be robbed because they “could’ve fought back”. The millions of men, women, and children who get raped all over the world chose to be raped because they “should’ve fought back”. That’s what that sounds like to me! Blaming the victims instead of the people who are committing the actual crime. It’s sickens me to know that people out here have that type of mentality!

It sounds like people don’t want to blame and hold slave masters accountable for what they’ve done. I think that is a fear and slave mentality right there. People blame the slaves because they are afraid to blame the slave masters. It sounds like black people blaming each other for their situation instead of blaming the obvious culprit(s). They do this out of hate (for themselves and each other), fear, and frustration.

I believe that this slave blaming is the reason why slavery still exists today in lots of other places across the world. No person should have to physically fight to say they don’t want to be a slave. Just like a person shouldn’t have to physically fight to say they don’t want to be robbed or raped. If a person tries to force slavery or crime on a person that doesn’t want it, then THAT person is wrong. NOT the person that got hurt! The slave masters chose slavery, NOT the slaves!

I believe slavery all over the world would be abolished today if everyone held slave masters accountable for what they’re doing and what they’ve done. When we blame the slaves for what happened to them, I think that’s us not taking slavery as seriously as we should.

If anybody thinks slavery was a “choice”, they have no sense of history and don’t understand how slavery works at all.