When Black Men Diss Black Women, They Don’t Realize They’re Also Dissing Themselves

Over the years, I’ve heard many black men use statistics of all kinds to attack black women and treat them like they’re less than black men and aren’t good enough for black men. I’m pretty sure anyone who reads this post will know exactly what I’m talking about and have seen black men do this online themselves.

What black men don’t realize is that these statistics that they use to attack black women about are also a huge reflection of themselves. In this post, I’m going to name a few things I’ve seen many black men attack black women for online and explain how those very same things can be applied to them as well.

“Black women are the least likely women in the world to get married.” So many black men online love repeating this statistic like it doesn’t apply to them. But if black women are less likely to get married, what does that say about black men? It says that there’s a huge percentage of black men that aren’t marrying their own women! How are you complaining about black women being unmarried when it is YOUR job to marry them? Why aren’t you marrying your women? Also, they repeat this statistic like they’re getting married at a much higher rate than black women. Black men aren’t very likely to get married compared to other races of men in the world themselves.

Many black men will say it’s because of black women’s attitudes and they’re just not good enough to marry. But what makes them so good enough to marry black women? Many of these black men who repeat this statistic are not marriage material themselves. Many of them are abusers, cheaters, and users of women.

If you pay attention, almost, if not all of these black men who repeat this statistic online, are never married or been in a healthy, long term relationship with a black woman, or any woman, for that matter. Or if they have been married, they’ve been divorced multiple times. How do they get to talk so much about black women not being married when they can’t even get at least a long term relationship with a woman?

If they think marriage is so special and they know the type of woman that they want, how come they can never find and marry these women? When black women end up with the wrong men, they say black women are looking in the wrong places for men and never giving good men a chance. Are these types of black men looking in the wrong places for women and not giving good women a chance? Or do they just know that no woman would ever want to be with them, especially long term? And if they do get this good woman that they claim they want, they’re going to do nothing, but dog her and ruin her self esteem and her life.

“There’s a huge percentage of black women that are single mothers and they are ruining the black community by raising fatherless children.”          This can easily be reflected on black men by me saying that this statement means that black men are impregnating large percentages of black women across this country, abandoning black women to take care of their children on their own, and have the audacity to mock and attack black women for something they did.

If there weren’t so many black men sleeping with black women unprotected and leaving them when they get pregnant, they wouldn’t have to worry about there being so many single mothers in the black community. And if these black men think that children being fatherless are destroying the black community, why aren’t they staying with their children? Why do they keep abandoning them? And if they aren’t yet ready to take care of child, why do they keep creating them?

There are also black men who say that there are so many black single mothers because black women “don’t know how to choose to the right man to get pregnant by”. But what is that saying about black men if there’s this many black men impregnating women and then abandoning them? Why is there so many black men that aren’t stepping up to the plate and raising the children that they are creating?

I honestly believe the real reason why so many black men hate single mothers is because THEY KNOW it is a reflection of their failures as men and as fathers. One of the worst things a father can do to a child is abandon them. From the way I see it, if a man abandons his child, he is a failure as a man.

When they look around the black community and see so many single mothers and so many fatherless children, it makes them think, are we this much of a failure to our women and children? But instead of taking that thought and doing better as men and fathers, they project and flip it in a way to attack black women.

“Most black women have multiple kids by multiple men.”                         My response to this statement is pretty much the same as black men’s statements about single mothers. They love picking black women apart for being single mothers, but they don’t see how that reflects on themselves. Just like how they don’t see how this statement reflects back on them. What is it saying about black men that the majority of black women have children by multiple men? It’s saying that the majority of black men are sleeping around with different women, having children with them, and then leaving. With many of them not even making an effort to take care of the children they created at all.

It’s easy for black men to sit up on a high horse and criticize black single mothers with multiple kids because black women are more likely to stay with their children, no matter how many they have. So, of course, it’s going to look like they have a lot of kids.

Black men, on the other hand, can have a child, abandon them, then pretend they don’t have any kids. But if these black men were single fathers who stayed with the kids they created, you would see that they will have multiple kids by multiple mothers, just like how they complain about black women having multiple kids by multiple men. And would more than likely have more kids than single black mothers.

It’s a shame that black women are criticized for staying with their kids and being smart and strong enough to leave the men that didn’t work out for them, while black men who abandon their children time and time again get a free pass.

“Too many black women are overweight or obese.”                                                       Not only do black men who say this rarely talk about how there’s a huge number of them who are overweight and obese also (when they do, it’s only after black women call them out for not talking about themselves), they don’t realize that the “overweight” women include the “thick” women they are constantly swooning over, not just the women who are too big for their liking. Most thick women are overweight by medical and statistics standards. They also like to pick on black women who are thin for not only being too skinny, but also for not having big boobs or a big butt. And don’t let her be athletic and muscular. They’ll say she looks like a man, especially if she’s dark skinned! They complain about black women being overweight, but don’t even like the women who aren’t overweight.                                                                                         

“Black women who date white men are bedwenches.”                                       These types of black men who are always complaining about and criticizing black women are always crying whenever they see a black woman in a relationship with a white man (at the same time saying they don’t care who black women date; we know that’s a lie), but they never talk about how black men date outside of their race at a much higher rate than black women. They are also constantly putting nonblack women on a pedestal over black women ALL THE TIME!

This ties into what I said about them not marrying their women, yet complaining about their women not being married. They don’t want to marry their own women, but get mad when their women marry men outside of their race. You don’t want to marry your women. Who else is going to marry them if you don’t? You don’t want to marry your own women, yet you hate when they’re single or marry outside of their race? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!

Also, doesn’t this sound a lot like what abusers do to their victims? Tell and convince them that no one else wants them, but the abusers don’t want anyone else to have them?

These statements prove to me that black men who say these things not only severely lack self awareness, they severely lack accountability as well. They never think any kind of critique applies to them, but they think every critique applies to black women. I previously wrote a post on my blog about men (of all races, not just black men) hating accountability. Lacking accountability is huge for men, regardless of how much they claim women hate accountability.

Writing this post reminded me of a comment I saw on a YouTube channel some time ago that said something along the lines of, “Black men only talk about black women’s statistics because they are embarrassed about their own”. And I couldn’t agree more! That’s exactly why they do it!

If you know of any other negative statements you’ve heard black men say about black women that also reflects negatively back on them that I missed, leave them in the comments.

Is Interracial Dating Abuse Being Swept Under The Rug?

A reader of mine brought to my attention that interracial dating isn’t always sunshine and rainbows like some black people make it seem like. I didn’t really know what to say about this. But this video I found on YouTube, which I will share at the end of this post, is perfect for what I needed to say here.

This video highlighted a story of a black woman finally coming forward about the abuse she suffered from her nonblack husband. The focus of the video is that nowadays, interracial dating is more promoted and glorified like they’re better than black relationships, but in a lot of those relationships, the black partner is dealing with abuse. And I’ve heard many stories about black people dealing with racism from their nonblack partner’s family or the nonblack partners themselves.

Now, I’m not using this video to discourage people from dating interracially. Because I’ve heard many stories about black women talking about the abuse they suffered from black men and vice versa. So in a lot of cases, black relationships aren’t always better either.

I honestly don’t really care about interracial dating to be honest. I just don’t like how black people are always so loud about the abuse they endure from each other. They can’t wait to share a story about a black man abusing a black woman or a black woman killing a black man and use these stories as an excuse to promote interracial dating, but when stories of racism, abuse, and murder happen with interracial couples, no one is saying anything because it goes against their agenda.

I want black people to start treating each other better. And I don’t want black people glorifying interracial relationships like they’re any better because in a lot of cases, they’re not. Check out the video below if you like and let me know what you think of it.

Do Most Black People Only Love Conscious People When They Are Dead Or In Prison?

This is very disturbing to me, but I have been wondering about this for a while. I feel like most black people only love conscious Pro-Black people after they have died or gone to prison. And I feel like that because of how I see most black people treating conscious black people.

I hear lots of black people talking about how much they love Huey from The Boondocks and wished there were more people like him in the world or praise the likes of people like Marcus Garvey and Malcolm X. But when it’s our people living today that talk about conscious Pro-Black stuff, so many of our people dismiss them, calling them “hotep” or some other name they come up with. And if Huey from The Boondocks actually existed, NO ONE would listen to him! Just like it’s depicted in the cartoon!

I often find myself wondering how us black people are still acting so lost when we had so many people fighting for us and teaching us how to empower ourselves throughout history. I now believe this is why. Our people don’t listen to these people for real. If our people actually did listen, we wouldn’t be complaining about as much things as we do now.

So many people throughout history have told us the real deal about this country and how we need to unify, love ourselves, stop begging white people for everything and start doing things for ourselves if we want to really free ourselves from white supremacy. But from the looks of our people today, we haven’t applied what they taught us very well.

I’ve seen lots of our people talk about conscious people who are still alive that say these things and people dismiss them as being “agents” because they’re not dead or in prison. I’ve literally heard people say that. It seems like our people are so traumatized by our leaders getting murdered and imprisoned that we don’t even consider anyone a leader unless they have been murdered or imprisoned.

Just because someone hasn’t been murdered or imprisoned when they’re speaking on the real doesn’t always mean that they aren’t telling the truth. We still need to listen. Maybe the reason why they haven’t been murdered or imprisoned is because most people aren’t listening to them. The Powers That Be don’t see them as a threat because they see how so many people are dismissing them or simply don’t know about them at all.

Our people only love and praise these people after they have died, gone to prison, or are fictional. And then after that, we STILL don’t listen to them. It’s so sad. That’s exactly what The Powers That Be want. They want us to love the conscious people who are dead, in prison or fictional because they aren’t/no longer a threat. If we listen to the ones who are real, free, and alive, that would be threatening and might actually make real change.

Nobody Cares About How Colorism Affects Black Men

The topic of colorism is becoming more and more widespread now than it ever has been. I’m extremely proud of that because I really think that needs to be talked about more and the people guilty of perpetrating it needs to be called out and held accountable. Especially since this topic is ignored, deflected against, and swept under the rug A LOT.

Although I’m happy about colorism being talked about more, I did notice one problem with it. When talking about it, most people only talk about how it affects black women. Rarely are there ever any conversations about helping dark skinned men be confident in their skin or protect them from being discriminated against or disrespected for their skin. When dark skinned men are attacked for their skin, there aren’t as many people defending them like they do with dark skinned women who are attacked.

Lots of people point out how dark skinned women are overlooked, undercasted, and poorly represented in Hollywood. Lots of people called out the black men who publicly took swipes at Lupita Nyong’o for her dark skin. Lots of people dragged Kodak Black into outer space for his derogatory comments against dark skinned women. Oprah did an episode about colorism on her Lifeclass show. GREAT episode, by the way. I loved how everyone got to share their experiences with colorism and how they tackled the issue. But there was one problem. WHERE WERE THE BLACK MEN?!? Tons of black women shared their stories with colorism on the episode, but where were the black men to share their stories with colorism? (To add, another thing I wasn’t quite okay with in the episode was how they laughed and joked when they started talking about the Paper Bag Test. There’s NOTHING funny about that! Still to this day, many black people are mistreated, disrespected, discriminated against, and undervalued because their skin color is darker than a paper bag. If we’re going to talk about this stuff, we have to take it seriously! Sugarcoating and making jokes is NOT the way to solve a problem).

I will use some black male celebrities here as an example to prove that nobody really cares about how colorism affects black men.

I believe this happened back in 2009. There was an altercation where Fabolous went at T-Pain because he thought that T-Pain made a tweet saying, ‘Fuck Fabolous’. In response to this, Fabolous sent out a series of tweets:

But thats jus a taste of what u’ll get if u fuck wit me via twitter, Back to my Twitter chillin

Ok so i jus got word that it wasnt Tpain’s twitter page who said Fuck Fabolous..a fake page, w/ 900 followers.. oooops, damn i went in LOL

F.Y.I. This is not a beef.. jus Twitter fun. someone retweeted that Tpain said Fuck Me on twitter & truthfully i dont know if he said or not

#tpainbetter chill cuz i will air this ***** via twitter

#tpainbetter thank me.. he’s #1 TT.. the only place his name gonna b #1 for a lonnnggggggg time!

#tpainbetter apologize & blame it on the al-a-a-al-a-al-cohol

#tpainbetter stop singin in the fan… that aint talent we can all do that

#tpainbetter audition to be a California Raisin.. He’s done!

#uknowhowiknowuregay cuz u do a song wit Lil Wayne & change ur name to T-Wayne…eeeel

#tpainbetter stop playin for JayZ buys every autotune machine in the world & end his career

#tpainbetter stay his ass outta the sun for the rest of his life!!

#tpainbetter give Mr. Monopoly back his top hats!!

#tpainbetter not meet me in Brooklyn

After D.O.A., #tpainbetter not be mad, UPS is hiring!!

Jus heard Tpain says Fuck JayZ & Fuck Fabolous too over Twitter… Ok, now me & my twiggas/Street Twitter Ditta Dam must go in on him!

It was later confirmed that T-Pain didn’t really tweet that and it came from a fake page. As you can see, Fabolous admitted it in one of those tweets in the series. Even after knowing the tweet was fake, he still didn’t stop or even apologize for anything he said.

And even if T-Pain did actually tweet that about him, why does ONE statement generate this type of response? Obviously something else is going on with him here and I believe I know what it is, but I’m not going to get into it here because I feel like it will shift the focus of this post.

In one of the tweets, after realizing it wasn’t really T-Pain who made the tweet, Fabolous said he said all this not to diss, but for “fun”. This is what happens when black men get attacked for their dark skin. It gets classified as “fun” and people dismiss the blatant colorism because of it, thinking, “It’s just a joke”, “We’re just having fun”, etc. And I think this is one of the main reasons why no one speaks out against colorism against black men. But people, colorism is NOT funny!

And speaking of funny, I don’t even think anyone defended T-Pain against Fabolous for saying any of this. They just thought it was funny. Were T-Pain a dark skinned female celebrity Fabolous was saying all of this to, black Twitter would’ve definitely DISMEMBERED him and nobody would’ve cared that he said all that just for “Twitter fun”. As a matter of fact, I think him saying it was just “Twitter fun” would’ve made black Twitter angrier if T-Pain were a woman! Especially in this day and age when black women are being defended more against colorism than ever before.

Even though he doesn’t talk about it much, like most black men when it comes to colorism, T-Pain talked about how record labels rejected him because he wanted to be an R&B singer. They believed he would be better off going into rap. I believe they did this because he was a dark skinned man with dreadlocks. They thought he would be better being a thugged out rapper. Most dark skinned rappers had thuggish or threatening images. Think the likes of 50 Cent. I just don’t know why Hollywood is so bent on portraying our dark skinned men this way. He was obviously being discriminated against because of his looks, colorism, and racism. People don’t want to look at it this way, but it’s so obvious.

Akon is another black male celebrity that gets attacked for his dark skin quite a bit. I’ve heard lots of rappers say, “My car black like Akon” in their songs. If I hear another rapper make that stupid line in their raps, I’m going to lose it! On his Behind The Music episode, Akon mentioned how he would get into a lot of fights in school because he was picked on a lot. And I’m sure he was picked on because he was dark skinned and African. We know how a lot of black people believe all of America’s negative, racist portrayals of Africa in its media and respond accordingly. Even his mother who featured on the episode said that kids used to call him names, like “African Booty Scratcher”. We ALL know that’s a word black people use to attack someone who’s dark skinned. (Don’t try to deny it! Nobody has ever called a light skinned or mixed person that!)

And Akon has a brother named Bu who gets attacked for his dark skin as well. Look up his interviews on YouTube and read the comments. I’m happy that there were some people defending him, but the amount of colorist remarks in the comment sections on his videos are still just downright disgusting! With some of the comments I’ve seen, you would think that there were a bunch of racist white people trolling his page, but I know for a fact that most of those comments were from other black people.

A while back, there was one comment I saw on one of the videos that complimented his skin and said it was beautiful and lots of people responded to it negatively. What was the negativity about? Because someone thought a man’s dark skin was beautiful when they considered it ugly and it made them feel some type of way? No one would’ve responded to that comment negatively if he were a woman. They would agree and call her a melanin goddess and say things like, “Black don’t crack”.

If you can remember and think back, Bernie Mac was the brunt of quite a few jokes about his skin color in movies and TV shows.

I’ve heard people make remarks about Wesley Snipes’ dark skin as well.

And we all know Biggie’s line where he said in one of his songs that he’s “BLACK and ugly as ever”.

Tommy Sotomayor talked in many videos about how he was teased for his dark skin growing up, even by his own mother (That’s a HUGE thing to talk about as well when talking about colorism. A lot of this nonsense starts AT HOME, where dark skinned people’s OWN PARENTS and FAMILY MEMBERS make negative comments about their dark skin). He mentioned in one video that the first woman to compliment him for his skin in his life was a white woman (That’s a shame. As much as us black people complain about white people being racist, I shouldn’t be hearing any stories like this, but here we are).

Now, think about this. Have you noticed the amount of dark skinned male celebrities who have stage names where they’re calling themselves black? For example: Kodak BLACK, BLAC Youngsta (his is spelled without a ‘k’), CRISPY BLACK (This is an actual rapper’s name! Look it up! It surprised me too!), Michael BLACKson. And let’s not forget that almost every black person knows that one dark skinned man in their neighborhoods nicknamed “Black” or “Smoke”.

Is there a coincidence that all these black men are dark skinned and calling themselves “black”? How many light skinned or mixed men refer to themselves as “black” as a nickname or stage name?

And since I mentioned Michael Blackson, his whole gimmick in comedy is surrounded by making jokes about his dark skin and being from Africa. On his social media, he “jokes” with people who go back and forth making jokes about his dark skin and being African. I believe comedy is his way of dealing with his pain of experiencing colorism and being attacked for his dark skin and being African all his life.

I see this pattern with many dark skinned men. I believe they were attacked and discriminated against for their dark skin for so long, they began to make fun of and attack themselves. I believe this is their way of dealing with their pain. This is why we see so many dark skinned men nicknaming themselves “Black”. This is why we see dark skinned men make so many dark skinned jokes about themselves and other dark skinned people. This is internalized racism.

When the topic of colorism comes up, especially when it’s time to talk about black men, I hear a lot of people say, “It’s not about colorism”, “It’s not that deep”, “It’s just jokes”, etc. All of these sayings are FALSE. They are all excuses. All deflecting. All gaslighting. All lies. All lame.

Another thing I’m tired of is when someone does point out how America is more discriminating and unfair, particularly within the justice system and with police, moreso with dark skinned men than anyone else, someone always has to respond with, “They treat light skinned men like that, too, because we’re all black”. This is another blatant lie to minimize colorism against dark skinned men, especially in the justice system. Dark skinned men are more likely to get harsher prison sentences for a given crime than anyone else. Dark skinned men are more likely to be killed by police than a light skinned or mixed man. Look at the news! All or most of the unarmed black men that Black Lives Matter is fighting for justice for that police have killed are dark skinned. We all know this. Why are we so dismissive and acting so blind?!?? I just don’t get it!

I believe people try to minimize colorism against dark skinned men because they want to uphold the belief that dark skinned women have it worst. And that’s just NOT true. All dark skinned black people, whether they’re a man or woman, experience colorism. People just don’t see it because men handle it differently and society handles it differently.

We really need to start including black men in discussions about colorism and allow them to share their stories and experiences with it. And black men also need to not be afraid to express these feelings and stories because I do think a lot of black men are afraid to talk about how colorism affects them. Maybe they feel it will make them look weak. Maybe they feel the topic hits too close to home.

I dont even know how or why colorism came about to only focus on black women. Maybe it’s a tactic used to turn black men and women against each other? Maybe it’s because black women want all the attention to be on themselves? I just don’t know.

We will only be able to heal if we talk about these things instead of denying it or sweeping it under the rug. Think about any other problem in life. You can never fix it unless you acknowledge and identify it first. Ignoring, making excuses, denying, and lying to yourself about the problem doesn’t make it go away or make it not exist. It makes it worst.

This colorism that dark skinned men experience is probably a huge reason why many of them overlook or find dark skinned women unattractive and prefer light skinned or nonblack women. As much as black women complain about black men overlooking them, especially if they’re dark skinned, many dark skinned black men have been overlooked, rejected, and put down by black women as well because of their dark skin; they just don’t speak out about it much.

I believe that dark skinned men who overlook and talk down about dark skinned women actually hate that the woman reminds them of how much they hate their own skin tone. Also, I think they may seek out light skinned or nonblack women because they don’t want their children to experience what they experienced in their lives due to dark skin. If they date or marry a light skinned or nonblack woman, chances are their children will come out light skinned.

I really hope we can start including black men in our conversations about colorism very, very soon because these stories I highlighted in this post as well as many others I’ve heard and witnessed throughout my life really break my heart. I’m saddened. I’m hurt. I’m disgusted. We really need to resolve all the colorism issues between all black people. It’s not normal at all for our people to have these types of stories and nothing gets done about it. Or we pretend that it’s not that serious and it’s all in their heads.

Black Men & Black Women Blaming Each Other For The Problems In Their Community

One growing trend I’m seeing on the Internet more & more is black men and black women blaming each other for the problems in the black community. There are countless social media posts and videos where black men and black women are spewing hate about each other, blaming each other for everything wrong with our race, and getting tons of reactions and views for it.

Black men and black women are blaming each other for the self hate in our communities. Black men say black women are the cause because they’re always wearing straight hair and shame their daughters’ “nappy” hair while doing it and are very quick to straighten it. Black women say black men are the cause because they shame and refuse to date women who don’t straighten their hair and are more attracted to them when they wear weave than their real hair.

Black women say black men shame dark skinned women and refuse to date them. Black men say that black women shamed them for their dark skin and have horrible attitudes towards them, which is why they refuse to date them. And say that black mothers shame their sons by comparing them to their fathers in a very disrespectful manner.

They’re blaming each other for why we don’t have businesses in our communities. Black women say that black men aren’t building and give all of their money to white women. Black men say that black women give all their money to Asians by buying fake hair and nails.

They’re blaming each other for the high single mother rate in the black community. Black men say black women are single mothers because they like thugs and choose poorly in men to have children with. Black women say that it’s because black men are afraid and running away from their responsibilities.

They’re blaming each other for the high crime rate. Black women say it’s because black men are violent and don’t know how to act. Black men say it’s because of black single mothers and how they’re poorly raising young black boys.

There are so many other examples. The sad part about this is that not only are we as black people treating each other as the enemy for our problems and not our true enemies and oppressors, nobody is taking responsibility for these problems. There’s nothing but a bunch of finger pointing. So, what’s going to happen? NOTHING! The problems are going to continue to persist and we will continue blaming each other. It’s not going to do anything but get worst.

Also, we have to be very careful about how we talk about each other publicly. Saying these things about each other and ourselves will leave us wide open to stereotyping. And when it comes time to fight for real justice, our oppressors can use all these things we say about each other against us to deny us the justice we need. For instance, if we get angry about a white person calling a black person a “nigger”, they can use the fact that we call each other and ourselves that against us to get out of trouble. Or if we’re being unfairly treated or abused somewhere and we speak out about it, they will bring up “black on black crime”.

We need to come together, work together to find the root of these problems and fix them ourselves because if we don’t fix them, no one else will.

The fact that we do all this finger pointing is proof that BOTH black men AND black women are doing things to contribute to the problems in the black community. The things that we’re saying that the other side is doing says it all. And one side is NOT more guilty than the other. BOTH sides are EQUALLY guilty.

I really think we do so much negative talking about each other because we hate ourselves and fear our oppressors. I also think we do this because we are frustrated with our problems, but are too afraid to do what we have to do to face and fix them. We take this hate and fear out on each other. We have to stop and start healing.