The Side Effects Of Interracial Dating

I’ve noticed that a lot of black men and women online who date or marry interracially love to talk down about their own people. They are always talking about what they hate about each other, how much they aren’t attracted to each other, or how much happier they are dating interracially.

I’ve always asked myself whenever I see those types of comments that: If these black men and women are so happy dating interracially, why are they still talking about each other so much? Why don’t they just take their nonblack partner and be happy and just leave each other alone? Because I feel like that would be the most simple solution. If you’re so happy dating interracially, why would there still be an urgent need to talk about each other so much?

The more I thought about this question, the more I began to believe that this just might be a side effect that black people experience while interracial dating or promoting it. And there are a few reasons why I believe these side effects occur.

One of the reasons is, I believe, deep down, black people feel like they aren’t supposed to be dating interracially at all. So, all the negative talk is them looking for excuses to keep doing it anyway. They would even use negative stories about each other in the news and negative statistics as an excuse for why they date interracially.

Another reason is that, deep down, they feel like the only way to appeal to other races of people is to hate their own people. I believe that these people are, knowingly or unknowingly, trying to appeal to the racist side of these people of other races. Deep down, they think that they have a higher chance of attracting other races of people by showing that they hate their own people.

The other reason I have is that these black men and women are only dating/marrying interracially to spite each other. Based on some of the stories I’ve heard online and in real life, a lot of black men and women feel hurt by each other. A lot of them feel rejected, abused, used, unattractive to, and/or cheated by each other, and they’re just tired of it. They don’t really want to date interracially. They want to date their own people, but they don’t feel like their own people treat them right. So, they date interracially to be happier or get revenge on each other.

And I’m pretty sure there are some of those who only talk negatively about each other and promote interracial dating/marriage just for attention on social media. They’re only doing it to get people talking about them and get likes or whatever they’re looking for.

But also, another main thing I noticed is that a lot of black women who date or promote dating interracially hate when black men date interracially and vice versa. It’s the huge hypocrisy for me that has me questioning even more. If these people think dating and marrying their own people is so bad, why are they so mad when they see each other dating interracially? I thought that was their main point. I think this is yet another side effect of interracial dating. Dating interracially has them confused. They don’t know what they really want.

I’m just tired of seeing black people throw each other under the bus just because they want to date/marry interracially. They can really just go do it and be happy, but they won’t. There’s probably many more reasons than what I named here for why black people do this, but those are the only ones I can think of for now. I’m starting to believe black people have these side effects because they feel like they aren’t supposed to be dating interracially in the first place.

Is Interracial Dating Abuse Being Swept Under The Rug?

A reader of mine brought to my attention that interracial dating isn’t always sunshine and rainbows like some black people make it seem like. I didn’t really know what to say about this. But this video I found on YouTube, which I will share at the end of this post, is perfect for what I needed to say here.

This video highlighted a story of a black woman finally coming forward about the abuse she suffered from her nonblack husband. The focus of the video is that nowadays, interracial dating is more promoted and glorified like they’re better than black relationships, but in a lot of those relationships, the black partner is dealing with abuse. And I’ve heard many stories about black people dealing with racism from their nonblack partner’s family or the nonblack partners themselves.

Now, I’m not using this video to discourage people from dating interracially. Because I’ve heard many stories about black women talking about the abuse they suffered from black men and vice versa. So in a lot of cases, black relationships aren’t always better either.

I honestly don’t really care about interracial dating to be honest. I just don’t like how black people are always so loud about the abuse they endure from each other. They can’t wait to share a story about a black man abusing a black woman or a black woman killing a black man and use these stories as an excuse to promote interracial dating, but when stories of racism, abuse, and murder happen with interracial couples, no one is saying anything because it goes against their agenda.

I want black people to start treating each other better. And I don’t want black people glorifying interracial relationships like they’re any better because in a lot of cases, they’re not. Check out the video below if you like and let me know what you think of it.

Karen

The ongoing trend on the internet is black people calling racist white women “Karen”. Every time a story of a white woman caught on video harassing a black person goes viral, black people call them that.

A white woman will call the police on a black child just for selling water. Black people will go: “😂😂😂😂 Karen!”

A white woman will harass a black man or woman trying to enter THEIR OWN HOME. Black people will go: “😂😂😂😂 Karen!”

A white woman will harass a black man or woman in a store for something that’s completely not her business. Black people will go: “😂😂😂😂 Karen!”

The huge problem I have with black people calling these white women “Karen” and laughing and making memes whenever they harass a black person is, not only does it seem like we’re not taking what they’re doing seriously enough, we’re also letting them off too easily.

Also, white people for centuries have been calling our people the worst names they can think of, mainly “niggers”. But we think calling them “Karen” is cute and funny and will hurt them (knowing white people, they will act like being called Karen hurts them just so they can pretend to be victims and absolve themselves from taking accountability for their racism). Why are we calling them anything except what they are? RACIST!

I feel like if a white man did any of these things, no one would be trying to give him a cute name. They’ll be calling him all kinds of insults, as well as racist. It makes me think people don’t take racism coming from white women as seriously as they do with white men. I believe that has been going on all throughout history.

Racism from white women is glossed over a lot. People barely talk about white women’s involvement with the KKK or how they were so racist that they didn’t care that their husbands raped black women because they didn’t consider black women equal to them, or how they cheered on and watched as their husbands burned crosses on black people’s lawns or burned down whole homes, or how they yelled and screamed “nigger!” at any black person that came around them just as loud as the white men, or how they helped white men conduct horrible medical experiments on black people that made them very ill, injured, or even killed them, or how they’re always right along with the racist laws white men introduced to keep black people down like the Jim Crow laws, laws that kept black people from voting, slavery, job discrimination, and much much more. I can go on and on.

Why are so many people so easy on white women when it comes to racism? I have a feeling it probably comes from sexism and how a lot of people in society don’t take much of what any woman does seriously because they consider them weaker and inferior to men. Female pedophiles aren’t talked about as much as male pedophiles. Female child abusers aren’t talked about as much as male child abusers. Female domestic violence perpetrators aren’t talked about as much as the male ones. And so on and so forth.

Women in this society get passes for a lot of things, especially if they’re white. I also think people don’t think white women have the same power as white men, so they don’t think a white woman can hurt them in the same way a white man can.

But I have news for anyone who thinks that. Racist white women are always in close quarters with racist white men. They can easily get a black person arrested, beaten, or killed, just by lying, crying, and playing victim.

Racism from white women isn’t something to be taken lightly. Call these women out just like we should call out any racist! Stop calling these women “Karen” and start calling them what they are. RACIST! Racism isn’t a game, joke, or meme.

Black People Are No Better Than White People

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve heard a black person say that other black people treat them so badly that they would rather hang out with white people because white people treat them so much better. Or how many black people have said other black people weren’t interested in dating them until they started dating white people.

A lot of black people like to laugh at people who say this and call them coons, but before you do that, think for a second. There’s a reason why these people feel this way. And they tell us all the time. These are genuine feelings these people feel. Black people shouldn’t treat each other so bad that our people don’t even feel comfortable and accepted by us.

We as black people are always complaining about how white people treat us. We’re always complaining about how white people negatively profile us and kill unarmed black people, which are legit reasons for us to be upset. However, in our own communities, the crimes and murders committed against each other is way higher. Black people are more likely to be hurt and/or killed by another black person way more than by a white person.

And don’t get me started on how so many black people project colorism on each other. So many of our people say, do, and think the worst about dark skinned people. We get mad about Hollywood not putting enough dark skinned people in the media in a positive and tasteful way, but a lot of times, our people are the ones who give more attention to people with lighter skin. Our people are also the main ones referring to dark skinned people as derogatory terms—“black”, “crusty”, “burnt”, etc. This way of referring to black people sounds like racist terms from white people, but white people usually aren’t the ones saying this to black people. It’s other black people! As colorist as so many black people are, if black people owned a Hollywood, they would probably erase dark skinned people out just like white Hollywood does.

A lot of black people on a regular basis look down on natural hair and refuse to wear it, but want to cry when white people say something negative about it. Or cry when they see a white woman wear an afro. Anything negative a white person says about black hair, trust me. MORE black people have said the exact same thing, if not worst. Before these current years where natural hair is now seen as more acceptable, lots of black people used to call them nappy headed and try to persuade them to straighten their hair. So many black people are upset when black people with dreads are refused jobs or prevented to graduate school, but I’ve heard black people say the worst things I’ve ever heard about dreads, sounding just like a racist white person.

Black people are online everyday trying to explain to nonblacks that they can’t say nigga, but call each other niggas all day long. When a nonblack person actually does say it, black people crumble. The Boondocks did an episode about that, titled “The S Word”, where Riley’s teacher said the word nigga and Riley acted like he was so hurt when he says nigga probably more than anybody in the whole show! And what I hate the most is a lot of us try to lie and say the word actually means “king” and comes from the Ethiopian word “negus”, but a lot of times when black people call each other niggas, nothing positive follows that in their sentence. So if the word means “king”, how come when black people say it, it isn’t always in a positive way? And if the word means king, why do we crumble so much when white people say it? It’s because we know what that word means and where it comes from and it DOESN’T mean king!

I notice that some black people online, when they see interracial couples, they use the black person’s partner turning out to be racist or their partner ending up abusing or killing them as an excuse to turn other black people away from interracial dating, but both black men and black women are more likely to be abused, hurt, and killed by each other than in interracial relationships.

Black people get angry when white businesses turn them away because of their names, yet in the next breath, make fun of another black person’s name, calling their names “ghetto”.

What’s sad is all this antiblackness that black people push on each other gets passed down to their children. And we have the nerve to act shocked when a black child says they feel ugly because they’re dark skinned or a 4 year old black girl throws a fit because her hair isn’t straight.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t say or do anything about white people who disrespect, abuse, and kill us. I’m saying that we should treat each other better! We can’t cry about how racist people treat us, then turn around and treat each other the exact same way. It doesn’t work that way!

Black Women Can’t Even Call Their Hair JUST Hair

(Photo: Wikimedia Commons)

A lot of things have opened my eyes since I found the black conscious side of the internet and around 2010-2011 when I found the natural hair side of YouTube. People from both of these communities encourage black women to wear their own hair the most. Some black women’s response to this is that it’s “just hair” and it “shouldn’t be that serious”.

I believe it’s NOT just hair. Thinking about the history of how black men and black women have been disrespected and discriminated against for their real hair is enough for me to see that, already. But there are a lot more examples that show me that it’s not “just hair”.

Many black women can’t even call their hair JUST hair. We always have to put a descriptor or something in front before we say hair when we talk about our hair. For instance, instead of calling our hair JUST hair, we call our hair “natural” hair or “4a/b/c” hair. Black women are literally the only group on the planet that has to call our hair “natural” or refer to our hair as subcategories. I don’t hear white, Asian or any other race of people, calling their hair “natural” or referring to their hair as “1a/b/c” and so forth.

I also hear a lot of black women calling their hair a “crown”. Our hair isn’t a crown! It’s HAIR! I believe we call our hair a “crown” because we’ve been made to think negatively about our hair for so long and we say that so we can feel better about our hair. Crowns are associated with royalty. So if we call our hair “crowns”, we can feel like we’re associated with kings and queens when we wear our own hair. Honestly, I feel like that it so unnecessary. We shouldn’t have to think of our hair that way just so we can be happy with it.

This reminds me of a children’s book I saw on social media a few years ago titled Penny and the Magic Puffballs, where a black woman wrote a book to help her daughter, I believe, feel better about her hair because she wanted straight hair like all the other girls around her. She styled her daughter’s hair into puffballs and called them “magic”. I understand the message, but I just think that it’s sad that a little black girl’s hair has to be called “magic” just to get her to be happy with it. It can’t JUST BE hair.

Whenever black women are finally breaking away from wearing weaves, wigs, and relaxers, and are started to wear and take care of their real hair, they refer to wearing their real hair as a “journey”. Wearing the hair you were born with exactly as it grows out of your scalp without altering it shouldn’t be a “journey”. It should just be you finally not being afraid of wearing your hair.

When I go into the hair products aisle in every store and see every product labeled as JUST hair products, but the black hair products have to be called “natural” hair products makes me sick and angry.

Most black female cartoon characters and dolls are depicted with straight hair and they aren’t even real. If it’s just hair, how come most black female fictional characters and dolls don’t even have our textured hair?

This society made us feel that we have to call our hair something different because they’re uncomfortable with it. This is why I believe it’s important for us to get rid of the fake hair and hair straighteners anyway just to give a FUCK YOU to this obviously racist society that tries so hard to make us hate everything about ourselves.

We are constantly calling our hair everything except JUST hair. So, the next time I hear someone say it’s “just hair”, I will know it’s a lie. I think people only say that because they know that the encouraging people are right about black people embracing our own hair, but they don’t want to listen. They just say that because they don’t have a better rebuttal. Black people and this society as a whole clearly have an issue with our hair.

Is Black Women Wearing Weave Cultural Appropriation?

Whenever black women call out these white women or any other nonblack women who purposely and willingly copy things from black women and act like it’s some new thing, someone always says, “Well, what about black women wearing weave, blue/green eye contacts, and bleaching their skin? Aren’t they cultural appropriating?”

I think this question is stupid and deflecting. Instead of acknowledging that these nonblack women are copying black women and getting put on a pedestal while black women get overlooked or dogged out, they try to flip it on black women. Black women wearing weave, bleaching their skin, or wearing blue or green eye contacts is not cultural appropriation.

I feel like a lot of black women who do those things do it to feel more beautiful in a society that puts down black hair, skin, and features. White and other nonblack women who wear black women’s hairstyles, get surgeries to get black women’s body features, etc. aren’t getting those things to feel more beautiful because their looks are already the standard in this society.

Their looks are celebrated over black women’s in the media all the time. They copy our looks to be trendy and/or replace us in media and not to be more accepted because they will get accepted with or without the surgeries and hairstyles. Black women actually HAVE TO have lighter skin, straight hair, and a certain body shape to be accepted and celebrated in both media and regular society.

At the same time, although I believe black women altering their features is not cultural appropriating, I do believe it is wrong and hypocritical of us to cry and complain about other races of women “trying to look and be like us” when we’re sitting around with a straight blonde wig on or whenever we’re taking a picture online, we have to turn the brightness up to make our skin look lighter. We have a lot of nerve crying because some white woman wore braids when we don’t have our own hair in our heads.

One thing I’ve learned about white people is that they like to use people’s words against them. They know when they are cultural appropriating, but they like acting like they don’t know what it is. So, when they’re called out on it, they like flipping the script to, “Well, what about you?”

If we want to call them out for what they’re doing, we can at least not do the same thing they’re doing. We have to get rid of weaves and hair straightening, skin bleaching/photo lightening, different color eye contacts, or anything that remotely erases our blackness. It may not stop them cultural appropriating altogether, but at least they can’t use us as an excuse to keep doing it. We can call them out and actually hold them accountable for what they’re doing.

If we’re not going to stop with the straight hair and skin bleaching, we can’t say anything about them. They have a point when they say that. And we can’t bring up, “There are black women all over the world that have naturally straight hair and natural blue/green eyes,” when that’s not you. You don’t have naturally straight hair or natural blue or green eyes. That’s why you have to go buy it, so that’s an invalid argument.

We have to start accepting all of our features 100% with no altering. Then, and only then, will we be right in calling out all these nonblack women who are cultural appropriating. Until then, we can’t say anything.

Nobody Cares About How Colorism Affects Black Men

The topic of colorism is becoming more and more widespread now than it ever has been. I’m extremely proud of that because I really think that needs to be talked about more and the people guilty of perpetrating it needs to be called out and held accountable. Especially since this topic is ignored, deflected against, and swept under the rug A LOT.

Although I’m happy about colorism being talked about more, I did notice one problem with it. When talking about it, most people only talk about how it affects black women. Rarely are there ever any conversations about helping dark skinned men be confident in their skin or protect them from being discriminated against or disrespected for their skin. When dark skinned men are attacked for their skin, there aren’t as many people defending them like they do with dark skinned women who are attacked.

Lots of people point out how dark skinned women are overlooked, undercasted, and poorly represented in Hollywood. Lots of people called out the black men who publicly took swipes at Lupita Nyong’o for her dark skin. Lots of people dragged Kodak Black into outer space for his derogatory comments against dark skinned women. Oprah did an episode about colorism on her Lifeclass show. GREAT episode, by the way. I loved how everyone got to share their experiences with colorism and how they tackled the issue. But there was one problem. WHERE WERE THE BLACK MEN?!? Tons of black women shared their stories with colorism on the episode, but where were the black men to share their stories with colorism? (To add, another thing I wasn’t quite okay with in the episode was how they laughed and joked when they started talking about the Paper Bag Test. There’s NOTHING funny about that! Still to this day, many black people are mistreated, disrespected, discriminated against, and undervalued because their skin color is darker than a paper bag. If we’re going to talk about this stuff, we have to take it seriously! Sugarcoating and making jokes is NOT the way to solve a problem).

I will use some black male celebrities here as an example to prove that nobody really cares about how colorism affects black men.

I believe this happened back in 2009. There was an altercation where Fabolous went at T-Pain because he thought that T-Pain made a tweet saying, ‘Fuck Fabolous’. In response to this, Fabolous sent out a series of tweets:

But thats jus a taste of what u’ll get if u fuck wit me via twitter, Back to my Twitter chillin

Ok so i jus got word that it wasnt Tpain’s twitter page who said Fuck Fabolous..a fake page, w/ 900 followers.. oooops, damn i went in LOL

F.Y.I. This is not a beef.. jus Twitter fun. someone retweeted that Tpain said Fuck Me on twitter & truthfully i dont know if he said or not

#tpainbetter chill cuz i will air this ***** via twitter

#tpainbetter thank me.. he’s #1 TT.. the only place his name gonna b #1 for a lonnnggggggg time!

#tpainbetter apologize & blame it on the al-a-a-al-a-al-cohol

#tpainbetter stop singin in the fan… that aint talent we can all do that

#tpainbetter audition to be a California Raisin.. He’s done!

#uknowhowiknowuregay cuz u do a song wit Lil Wayne & change ur name to T-Wayne…eeeel

#tpainbetter stop playin for JayZ buys every autotune machine in the world & end his career

#tpainbetter stay his ass outta the sun for the rest of his life!!

#tpainbetter give Mr. Monopoly back his top hats!!

#tpainbetter not meet me in Brooklyn

After D.O.A., #tpainbetter not be mad, UPS is hiring!!

Jus heard Tpain says Fuck JayZ & Fuck Fabolous too over Twitter… Ok, now me & my twiggas/Street Twitter Ditta Dam must go in on him!

It was later confirmed that T-Pain didn’t really tweet that and it came from a fake page. As you can see, Fabolous admitted it in one of those tweets in the series. Even after knowing the tweet was fake, he still didn’t stop or even apologize for anything he said.

And even if T-Pain did actually tweet that about him, why does ONE statement generate this type of response? Obviously something else is going on with him here and I believe I know what it is, but I’m not going to get into it here because I feel like it will shift the focus of this post.

In one of the tweets, after realizing it wasn’t really T-Pain who made the tweet, Fabolous said he said all this not to diss, but for “fun”. This is what happens when black men get attacked for their dark skin. It gets classified as “fun” and people dismiss the blatant colorism because of it, thinking, “It’s just a joke”, “We’re just having fun”, etc. And I think this is one of the main reasons why no one speaks out against colorism against black men. But people, colorism is NOT funny!

And speaking of funny, I don’t even think anyone defended T-Pain against Fabolous for saying any of this. They just thought it was funny. Were T-Pain a dark skinned female celebrity Fabolous was saying all of this to, black Twitter would’ve definitely DISMEMBERED him and nobody would’ve cared that he said all that just for “Twitter fun”. As a matter of fact, I think him saying it was just “Twitter fun” would’ve made black Twitter angrier if T-Pain were a woman! Especially in this day and age when black women are being defended more against colorism than ever before.

Even though he doesn’t talk about it much, like most black men when it comes to colorism, T-Pain talked about how record labels rejected him because he wanted to be an R&B singer. They believed he would be better off going into rap. I believe they did this because he was a dark skinned man with dreadlocks. They thought he would be better being a thugged out rapper. Most dark skinned rappers had thuggish or threatening images. Think the likes of 50 Cent. I just don’t know why Hollywood is so bent on portraying our dark skinned men this way. He was obviously being discriminated against because of his looks, colorism, and racism. People don’t want to look at it this way, but it’s so obvious.

Akon is another black male celebrity that gets attacked for his dark skin quite a bit. I’ve heard lots of rappers say, “My car black like Akon” in their songs. If I hear another rapper make that stupid line in their raps, I’m going to lose it! On his Behind The Music episode, Akon mentioned how he would get into a lot of fights in school because he was picked on a lot. And I’m sure he was picked on because he was dark skinned and African. We know how a lot of black people believe all of America’s negative, racist portrayals of Africa in its media and respond accordingly. Even his mother who featured on the episode said that kids used to call him names, like “African Booty Scratcher”. We ALL know that’s a word black people use to attack someone who’s dark skinned. (Don’t try to deny it! Nobody has ever called a light skinned or mixed person that!)

And Akon has a brother named Bu who gets attacked for his dark skin as well. Look up his interviews on YouTube and read the comments. I’m happy that there were some people defending him, but the amount of colorist remarks in the comment sections on his videos are still just downright disgusting! With some of the comments I’ve seen, you would think that there were a bunch of racist white people trolling his page, but I know for a fact that most of those comments were from other black people.

A while back, there was one comment I saw on one of the videos that complimented his skin and said it was beautiful and lots of people responded to it negatively. What was the negativity about? Because someone thought a man’s dark skin was beautiful when they considered it ugly and it made them feel some type of way? No one would’ve responded to that comment negatively if he were a woman. They would agree and call her a melanin goddess and say things like, “Black don’t crack”.

If you can remember and think back, Bernie Mac was the brunt of quite a few jokes about his skin color in movies and TV shows.

I’ve heard people make remarks about Wesley Snipes’ dark skin as well.

And we all know Biggie’s line where he said in one of his songs that he’s “BLACK and ugly as ever”.

Tommy Sotomayor talked in many videos about how he was teased for his dark skin growing up, even by his own mother (That’s a HUGE thing to talk about as well when talking about colorism. A lot of this nonsense starts AT HOME, where dark skinned people’s OWN PARENTS and FAMILY MEMBERS make negative comments about their dark skin). He mentioned in one video that the first woman to compliment him for his skin in his life was a white woman (That’s a shame. As much as us black people complain about white people being racist, I shouldn’t be hearing any stories like this, but here we are).

Now, think about this. Have you noticed the amount of dark skinned male celebrities who have stage names where they’re calling themselves black? For example: Kodak BLACK, BLAC Youngsta (his is spelled without a ‘k’), CRISPY BLACK (This is an actual rapper’s name! Look it up! It surprised me too!), Michael BLACKson. And let’s not forget that almost every black person knows that one dark skinned man in their neighborhoods nicknamed “Black” or “Smoke”.

Is there a coincidence that all these black men are dark skinned and calling themselves “black”? How many light skinned or mixed men refer to themselves as “black” as a nickname or stage name?

And since I mentioned Michael Blackson, his whole gimmick in comedy is surrounded by making jokes about his dark skin and being from Africa. On his social media, he “jokes” with people who go back and forth making jokes about his dark skin and being African. I believe comedy is his way of dealing with his pain of experiencing colorism and being attacked for his dark skin and being African all his life.

I see this pattern with many dark skinned men. I believe they were attacked and discriminated against for their dark skin for so long, they began to make fun of and attack themselves. I believe this is their way of dealing with their pain. This is why we see so many dark skinned men nicknaming themselves “Black”. This is why we see dark skinned men make so many dark skinned jokes about themselves and other dark skinned people. This is internalized racism.

When the topic of colorism comes up, especially when it’s time to talk about black men, I hear a lot of people say, “It’s not about colorism”, “It’s not that deep”, “It’s just jokes”, etc. All of these sayings are FALSE. They are all excuses. All deflecting. All gaslighting. All lies. All lame.

Another thing I’m tired of is when someone does point out how America is more discriminating and unfair, particularly within the justice system and with police, moreso with dark skinned men than anyone else, someone always has to respond with, “They treat light skinned men like that, too, because we’re all black”. This is another blatant lie to minimize colorism against dark skinned men, especially in the justice system. Dark skinned men are more likely to get harsher prison sentences for a given crime than anyone else. Dark skinned men are more likely to be killed by police than a light skinned or mixed man. Look at the news! All or most of the unarmed black men that Black Lives Matter is fighting for justice for that police have killed are dark skinned. We all know this. Why are we so dismissive and acting so blind?!?? I just don’t get it!

I believe people try to minimize colorism against dark skinned men because they want to uphold the belief that dark skinned women have it worst. And that’s just NOT true. All dark skinned black people, whether they’re a man or woman, experience colorism. People just don’t see it because men handle it differently and society handles it differently.

We really need to start including black men in discussions about colorism and allow them to share their stories and experiences with it. And black men also need to not be afraid to express these feelings and stories because I do think a lot of black men are afraid to talk about how colorism affects them. Maybe they feel it will make them look weak. Maybe they feel the topic hits too close to home.

I dont even know how or why colorism came about to only focus on black women. Maybe it’s a tactic used to turn black men and women against each other? Maybe it’s because black women want all the attention to be on themselves? I just don’t know.

We will only be able to heal if we talk about these things instead of denying it or sweeping it under the rug. Think about any other problem in life. You can never fix it unless you acknowledge and identify it first. Ignoring, making excuses, denying, and lying to yourself about the problem doesn’t make it go away or make it not exist. It makes it worst.

This colorism that dark skinned men experience is probably a huge reason why many of them overlook or find dark skinned women unattractive and prefer light skinned or nonblack women. As much as black women complain about black men overlooking them, especially if they’re dark skinned, many dark skinned black men have been overlooked, rejected, and put down by black women as well because of their dark skin; they just don’t speak out about it much.

I believe that dark skinned men who overlook and talk down about dark skinned women actually hate that the woman reminds them of how much they hate their own skin tone. Also, I think they may seek out light skinned or nonblack women because they don’t want their children to experience what they experienced in their lives due to dark skin. If they date or marry a light skinned or nonblack woman, chances are their children will come out light skinned.

I really hope we can start including black men in our conversations about colorism very, very soon because these stories I highlighted in this post as well as many others I’ve heard and witnessed throughout my life really break my heart. I’m saddened. I’m hurt. I’m disgusted. We really need to resolve all the colorism issues between all black people. It’s not normal at all for our people to have these types of stories and nothing gets done about it. Or we pretend that it’s not that serious and it’s all in their heads.

Weave As A Protective Style Is A Lie & An Excuse!

I kind of didn’t want to write about this because it’s such a touchy subject and ruffles quite a few feathers, but I think this had to be said anyway. As of recent years, I’ve been hearing more and more black women say they wear weave as a “protective style” for their natural hair. I hate to say it, but hearing so many black women say this irritates me! It’s a really big, obvious lie, but so many black women cling onto it like they don’t see it.

I went natural a few years ago and I did it with the help of lots of natural hair tutorials on YouTube. Through watching those videos, I saw that no one needs weave to grow hair. I saw so many black women who grew their hair to bra strap length and longer WITHOUT weave.

I think of all the black women who had big, beautiful afros during the ’60s and ’70s and I never saw them use weave to grow it. I think of how long black women have been on this earth. We’ve had this same hair since the dawn of time. Why now, all of a sudden, do we need weave to grow our hair? When I think of it this way, this excuse sounds even more ridiculous. It really sadly proves how brainwashed we are about our own hair in this society. The truth is we’ve been conditioned with straight hair for so long, we literally forgot how to take care of our real hair how it grows out the scalp.

I believe women who wear weave hijacked the protective style term from the natural hair community. While on my journey of learning how to grow and care for my natural hair, I learned that protective styles are styles that you do with YOUR OWN hair to protect the ends, like braids or twists. Not once did I see these women use or mention weave.

I believe these women hijacked this term from the natural hair community because they want to go natural, but they aren’t 100% ready to give up weave completely. They’re so used to wearing weave, they don’t want to give it up just yet. The natural hair community has really shattered a lot of lies and excuses that’s been going around about our hair for many, many years—black people’s hair can’t grow long; only nonblack and mixed people’s hair can grow long; our hair is unmanageable; our hair is ugly—amongst so many others.

Since the natural hair community shattered all of these lies and excuses, there’s literally NO reason to wear weave at all. So the weave wearing women made one up to make it seem like there’s still a use for weaves amongst black women. I’m also thinking that maybe the hair industry made up and is pushing this lie. With more black women going natural, I’m sure it’s threatening the weave business. With more black women going natural, less of them would buy weave. So they needed to push that to keep black women buying weaves.

I know we don’t like to hear this, but we as black women need to give up weave FOR GOOD! Let’s stop following this society’s rules about how straight hair is better. Let’s stop allowing this society to force us into hating our hair. Let’s give up weave 100%. I know you might be afraid, but please don’t be. We need to go back to loving and accepting our true selves. We don’t need to wait until it’s considered “cool” by the rest of society to do it. We have to just do it and forget about anyone who has a negative comment.

When I first cut my hair and went natural, I had to hear negative comments from my own dad and brothers, saying I needed a texturizer to “make my hair easier to manage”; saying I would never get a job with my hair; saying that my hair was going to fall out; all kinds of stupid, ignorant comments. But my want and love for my own hair far outweighed the negative comments from those closest to me. Also, lots of other people outside of my family always complimented my hair, so I knew that they were full of crap for saying what they were saying about my hair. Now that my hair has grown a lot, they’re saying they want their hair to grow and look like mine. Isn’t that something?

I’m sharing a little of my story because I know that many women are mostly afraid to go completely natural and give up weave because they’re afraid of negative comments. I know many of the negative comments will come from people closest to us. I want to encourage other women to not be afraid.

I now realize after being natural for a few years that the people who make negative comments are afraid, too. I believe that when women go natural, it sparks something in other people. I think deep down, they want to do it, too, and your hair inspired them, but they just don’t have the courage. I also think it has to do with them just not being used to your hair not being straight. They’re so used to seeing you and other women around them wear straight hair that when they see one that doesn’t have straight hair, they think it looks weird.

We really need to let go of these lies and excuses. We will never fully accept our hair as our own if we keep using them. Never in history have we ever needed weave to grow our hair! Let that sink in and let’s act accordingly.

What This Video Showed Me

I stumbled upon this video that was asking who looked better between Eminem’s daughter, Hailie, and Lil Wayne’s daughter, Reginae. In the comments, I saw lots of people saying, “Why are we comparing?” “They’re both beautiful women!” “Why must we put two women against each other?”

These people are correct by saying this by the way, but I feel it would hold more weight if I didn’t see people comparing black women to white women ALL THE TIME on social media. EVERYDAY to be exact! Because of that, I give the people saying that major side eye.

This video showed me that a lot of people only want to compare black women to white women who have aged. They rarely, if ever, compare themselves to white women who are attractive. I even saw a comment in the video that said, “Let’s see who will look better in 20 years.” That comment pretty much proves my point in this post.

The way I saw it, Hailie is attractive. So some people were shying away from comparing her and Reginae’s looks together.

I rarely ever see anyone compare black women’s attractiveness to women like Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian or even Ariana Grande. But they have all the smoke for some random old white woman online.

What does that say that some of our black people only feel comfortable comparing themselves to white and nonblack women after they have aged? Do some of us feel like we aren’t as attractive as an attractive white or nonblack woman?

Black Men & Black Women Blaming Each Other For The Problems In Their Community

One growing trend I’m seeing on the Internet more & more is black men and black women blaming each other for the problems in the black community. There are countless social media posts and videos where black men and black women are spewing hate about each other, blaming each other for everything wrong with our race, and getting tons of reactions and views for it.

Black men and black women are blaming each other for the self hate in our communities. Black men say black women are the cause because they’re always wearing straight hair and shame their daughters’ “nappy” hair while doing it and are very quick to straighten it. Black women say black men are the cause because they shame and refuse to date women who don’t straighten their hair and are more attracted to them when they wear weave than their real hair.

Black women say black men shame dark skinned women and refuse to date them. Black men say that black women shamed them for their dark skin and have horrible attitudes towards them, which is why they refuse to date them. And say that black mothers shame their sons by comparing them to their fathers in a very disrespectful manner.

They’re blaming each other for why we don’t have businesses in our communities. Black women say that black men aren’t building and give all of their money to white women. Black men say that black women give all their money to Asians by buying fake hair and nails.

They’re blaming each other for the high single mother rate in the black community. Black men say black women are single mothers because they like thugs and choose poorly in men to have children with. Black women say that it’s because black men are afraid and running away from their responsibilities.

They’re blaming each other for the high crime rate. Black women say it’s because black men are violent and don’t know how to act. Black men say it’s because of black single mothers and how they’re poorly raising young black boys.

There are so many other examples. The sad part about this is that not only are we as black people treating each other as the enemy for our problems and not our true enemies and oppressors, nobody is taking responsibility for these problems. There’s nothing but a bunch of finger pointing. So, what’s going to happen? NOTHING! The problems are going to continue to persist and we will continue blaming each other. It’s not going to do anything but get worst.

Also, we have to be very careful about how we talk about each other publicly. Saying these things about each other and ourselves will leave us wide open to stereotyping. And when it comes time to fight for real justice, our oppressors can use all these things we say about each other against us to deny us the justice we need. For instance, if we get angry about a white person calling a black person a “nigger”, they can use the fact that we call each other and ourselves that against us to get out of trouble. Or if we’re being unfairly treated or abused somewhere and we speak out about it, they will bring up “black on black crime”.

We need to come together, work together to find the root of these problems and fix them ourselves because if we don’t fix them, no one else will.

The fact that we do all this finger pointing is proof that BOTH black men AND black women are doing things to contribute to the problems in the black community. The things that we’re saying that the other side is doing says it all. And one side is NOT more guilty than the other. BOTH sides are EQUALLY guilty.

I really think we do so much negative talking about each other because we hate ourselves and fear our oppressors. I also think we do this because we are frustrated with our problems, but are too afraid to do what we have to do to face and fix them. We take this hate and fear out on each other. We have to stop and start healing.