Should Paddling Be Allowed In Schools?

(Photo: Flickr)

I remember when I was very little that some of the teachers used to paddle kids who misbehaved in school. Nowadays, paddling has been outlawed in schools in most states. Currently, it’s legal in only 19 states in the U.S. As a child, I didn’t think much of paddling. I thought it was normal and that’s just what adults did to discipline misbehaved children. But now that I’m an adult, I’m angry that paddling was ever allowed in schools at all.

One major reason is because I don’t think adults should be putting their hands on children, especially children that’s not their own! The idea of adults hitting children never sat well with me. It makes me think of child abuse, even if it is just a couple of little taps.

And thinking back on how a lot of my teachers were when I was little, I think many of them got a rise out of hitting children and looked for any reason to do it. I remember some kids getting paddled for talking in class or coming back from the bathroom a few minutes late. Although I do think those types of actions need some type of disciplinary action to prevent it from continuously happening, I don’t think paddling a child for that is necessary. I think some school staff were just power hungry and needed to feel a sense of power.

The other reason is, I believe disciplining children should be the parents’ job and the parents’ job only. No one else should have to discipline your children for you. No one else should have to tell your children to be quiet, sit down, pay attention, come to class on time, listen to the teacher, and do their work. Your child should already know how to behave at school. Your child should already know to listen and do their work.

A friend of mine has very disobedient children and they always bring them around me. I always have to tell them to stop doing this and stop doing that. And since the children aren’t mine, I feel very uncomfortable doing that. I can only imagine how a teacher would feel dealing with these types of kids. If your child needs to be disciplined outside your home, either your disciplinary actions don’t work and you need to change it (or you have none and need to get some immediately) or your child may have a disorder and you need to check it out.

I also read an article that said black and disabled children are paddled in school more than any other children. So, I believe paddling may have some subtle racist undertones and/or adults having lack of patience with children. You need a TON of patience to deal with disabled (mentally & physically) children.

I believe that is a huge problem with many adults today. They have no patience with children. Children are still learning and growing. They require patience to help them grow to the best they can be. If you’re not patient when it comes to children, you shouldn’t work in a school or be a parent.

On the flip side, even though I don’t agree with paddling children, I understand why it was allowed. A lot of children are REALLY bad and disobedient. And a lot of parents send them to school for poor teachers and other kids to deal with, KNOWING those kids are bad! I’ve heard stories about teachers telling parents about their bad kids and the parents would either do nothing or get mad at the teachers like they’re lying. That is sad!

RAISE AND DISCIPLINE YOUR OWN CHILDREN! Stop putting your bad ass kids on other people! Deal with them yourself!

Women Tricking Men Into Getting Them Pregnant 

I remember one day seeing a clip from Wendy Williams’ talk show where a woman wanted to have another child after having one child and her husband promised they would have two, but he changed his mind. Wendy told her to go behind the man’s back and trick him into impregnating her. And, of course, she used the “my body, my choice” mantra to back herself up. I can’t stand to see her give advice on her show anymore after seeing that.

This is one of the reasons why I don’t like the “my body, my choice” mantra. In a lot of cases, women use it to prevent being held responsible and accountable in certain situations they know they are wrong in, such as this one.

I’ve heard many stories, not just this one, of women trying to trick men into getting them pregnant for various reasons and various ways. I’ve heard women trick men into getting them pregnant to get them to stay in relationships and marriages, to put them on child support for money, or to simply control them and they do it by lying about being on birth control (like this woman on Wendy’s show wanted to do), sabotaging condoms by poking holes into them without the man’s knowledge, and using the condom during sex, but later inserting the sperm into themselves, amongst other disgusting, evil things.

When it comes to having children, women shouldn’t be the only ones who have a say-so in the matter. A man should have just as much to say as the woman because it takes him for her to get pregnant in the first place! Pregnancy should be something that both the man and the woman should be on the same page about because having a child is a much bigger responsibility than we think and it should take BOTH parents to deal with it and I don’t think a lot of people take it as seriously as they should.

Women tend to forget that men should have an equal say-so when it comes to pregnancy because they feel that since they’re carrying the baby and they give birth to the baby, they should be the only ones to make the decisions about whether or not to have one. It kind of sounds like arrogance to me. The child doesn’t only belong to the woman and the woman never gets pregnant by herself. The child belongs to the man, too.

Things like this should be illegal and women should be seriously punished for doing something like this. Anybody who thinks this is okay is a very sad and sick individual. And if you have to go behind someone’s back and do something without their knowledge, then you already know that what you’re doing is wrong.

It’s just sad that this society devalues men’s opinions and feelings on pregnancy so much that they allow women to do things like this and even encourage it.

Tricking men into getting pregnant will open a lot of doors to bad things. It could open doors to trust issues, forced abortions, and abuse (to the woman and the child because a man might be so angry that he will resort to abusing the woman and he might abuse or neglect the child because he didn’t want the child anyway; he shouldn’t do that, but it can happen), amongst other things.

There’s just nothing anybody can say to justify this and make it sound okay and acceptable. It’s not. Any woman who does this or agrees and condones other women to do it should be ashamed!

Scorned Mother vs. Abandoning Father

I caught D.L. Hughley’s radio show one day and the topic was, ‘Who hurts a child more, a scorned mother or an abandoning father?’ I don’t remember what any of the callers’ answers were on the show, but to me, it seems like this question is trying to shift blame from one parent to the other, so one parent will feel like they aren’t hurting the child more than the other.

A scorned mother and an abandoning father BOTH equally hurt a child. If it takes two people to make a child, it should take two people to raise a child.

A scorned mother can hurt a child by mistreating or abusing the child just because he or she reminds her of the father. They can also use the child as a tool to get back at the father for hurting them. They can do this by keeping the child away from the father when the father wants to see them or pushing the child onto the father when he wants nothing to do with the child. And they can speak badly about the child’s father and other men in general in front of them, which causes them to have anger, trust, and/or identity issues.

An abandoning father can make a child feel like it’s their fault that their father is no longer in their lives. They can make a child feel rejected and neglected, therefore lowering their self-esteem, and they can feel hostile and aggressive. They can develop a disdain for other men and male authority figures, which can cause them many problems as they grow up. The abandoning father can make their child feel the same emotional and behavioral problems as a scorned mother.

Both of these types of parents can cause behavioral and emotional problems that the child will carry with them well into adulthood. Both fathers and mothers have to step up to the plate and do a better job as parents because many times, lots of parents don’t realize the damage that their actions and choices are giving to their children. We have to stop trying to shift blame and trying to make one person feel more guilty for something when we’re ALL guilty.

A mother should never speak badly about their child’s father in front of them, never mistreat the child for what the father did, and never try to use the child as a tool to get back at the father. The same goes for fathers. And a father should always be involved in their children’s lives. If things don’t work out with the mother in a relationship, they should not make that child suffer by completely severing the relationship with them. There are ways a child can see both parents without the parents being involved with each other. A child should always have equal time around their parents, whether they’re still together or not.

People need to stop having children and doing this to them. It’s extremely damaging and unfair to them.

Does Whipping Your Children Actually Work? 

I remember sitting with my family and catching a glimpse of an episode of Dr. Phil years ago and they were talking about how to discipline children. They brought up, instead of spanking your children and yelling at them, try just talking to them and not yelling. We laughed and dismissed that as “that only works for white kids”. We believed whipping and yelling to discipline children was the best way to keep them in line.

Years after that, I checked out a parenting book from the library to help my parents with my little sister. I saw it as a good learning opportunity for me, especially if I wanted to have kids of my own someday. The book mentioned not to spank or yell at your children as well. It reminded me of the Dr. Phil episode. And at that time, I was much more mature than before and much more open-minded. So, I didn’t dismiss it as “just being for white people” anymore. Instead, I asked myself, “Well, have you tried it?”

I noticed that after all that time of dismissing not to whip and yell at kids, I never tried it. My family and I were all raised to believe that whipping and yelling is the best and only way to go as far as discipline. Our parents used it on us. Their parents used it on them. And so on. And I’m sure none of them have tried not whipping and yelling at their children, either. So, I decided to try it.

One day, my little sister was outside playing with her friends. When it was starting to get late, I went to call her in. She started crying loudly and in front of everyone. She did this every time me, my parents, or my brothers tried to call her in. It didn’t matter if she was already outside with them for 4-5 hours straight and the sun was starting to set. She didn’t want to come inside until her friends went inside. I saw this as my opportunity to try this different disciplinary tactic. Instead of yelling at her to come inside, I calmly told her to come inside. Then, I told her she couldn’t play outside for a few days as punishment for not obeying the order to come inside. And it worked! She never cried after any of us called her in ever again.

I never yelled to give orders again, either. And I saw that she listened to me more when I didn’t yell than when I or any of my other brothers yelled at her. That’s when I started to observe other kids and how they act when their parents whip and yell at them. I noticed that the kids who get yelled at and whipped the most are usually the WORST acting kids!

I realized that all the sources that said spanking and yelling is ineffective, the Dr. Phil episode, and the parenting book I read that said it were all true. Whipping and yelling doesn’t work as well as we think it does. We just use it because it was used on us as children and it’s the only way we know how to discipline.

I’ve seen lots of people whip and yell at their children all day long. Whenever they whip and yell at their kids, they sit down and cry and be quiet for a little while, but eventually, they get up and start doing the same thing that got them in trouble the first time. I thought to myself, If whipping and yelling works, why do you have to do it so much?

People can argue that since the kids who get the most whippings are the worst acting kids, that’s why they’re always getting whippings. But after realizing that all the sources that says it’s ineffective are actually onto something, I’m surprised that it never comes across their minds that the kids are acting worst because of the whippings and yelling and never try something different. I read the studies that said that whipping and yelling at children makes many of them more aggressive. I believe the studies are true. I’ve confirmed them with my own observations.

I’ve heard some parents say that they try to talk calmly, but they won’t stop until they yell or whip the kid, but I found that that’s only because the child has gotten used to the yelling and whipping because they’ve done it so much.

As a response to the studies that say whipping and yelling at your children is ineffective, people say, “My parents whipped me and I turned out fine”. But I believe that just because you “turned out fine” doesn’t mean that the whippings worked. It just means you grew up and learned right from wrong from your own maturity and experiences. I think people say that to justify whipping and yelling because they don’t want to stop doing it and are thinking that they are an exception to the rule.

I’m reminded of a picture I saw on my Facebook timeline that had a picture of a belt with a caption that said something about how it helped them to “respect others”. Whipping doesn’t help anyone “respect others” at all. Your own maturity and learning experiences does. Tons of people have gotten lots of whippings as children and still don’t respect others as adults. It has nothing to do with getting whippings as a child. I think this is yet another excuse to justify whipping children.

People think that if you’re telling them not to whip or yell at your kids that it means to not do anything at all and let them do whatever they want. But saying not to whip and yell at your children doesn’t mean don’t do anything at all. It means try something different. Try something that’s more calming and less aggressive. There’s a difference between disciplining differently and not doing anything at all. You can still be firm and set rules without whipping and yelling.

For example, if your child has their toys lying all over the floor and won’t pick them up, instead of yelling and threatening, “PICK THOSE TOYS UP OFF THAT FLOOR BEFORE I BEAT YOUR (YOU KNOW WHAT)!”, calmly say, “Pick your toys off the floor, please.” If that doesn’t work, say (still calmly, without yelling, threatening, and whipping), “If you don’t pick up your toys, you won’t be playing with them for the rest of the night.” Then, if that doesn’t work, follow through, take the toys yourself, and don’t let them play with them for a while. Following through when you give an ultimatum to a child is very important because if you say you’re going to do something and don’t actually do it and you continue to do that, eventually, they will no longer take you seriously.

And try not to give punishments that are too harsh or too long. Those are ineffective, too. And the earlier you start with calm disciplining, the more effective it is.

I believe whipping and yelling at children doesn’t work because they only remember the pain and the fear and usually not the lesson, which is why they go right back to doing what their parents just whipped and yelled at them for later after the pain has gone away and after they’ve calmed down.

I think calmly talking to your children and putting them on punishment by taking a privilege or something they like away for a while does work much better and they behave much better because it gives them time to think about what they’ve done and learn from it.

And referring back to the beginning of this post where I said my family & I used to laugh at the idea of just speaking to kids and dealing with the situation in a calm way as “being for white people”. I hear a lot of black people dismissing not whipping their kids as “being for white people”. Why do black people think being nice to your children and handling situations calmly without violence as a bad thing? Why do we see it as something that’s just “for white people”?