Black Women Blaming Black Men For Why They Don’t Wear Their Natural Hair

Many times on social media, I’ve seen black women say that they don’t go natural because black men don’t like natural hair. If one black man said something negative about natural hair on social media, that man would not only get dragged, but many black women would say, “That’s why we don’t wear natural hair” or “We wear weave and straight hair because black men like it”.

Another thing I’ve seen many times on social media is black women who actually do go natural, then say “black men don’t pay attention to me or compliment me when I wear natural hair”, so they go back to wearing weave or straightening their hair.

But on the flip side, when black men say they don’t like weave and they prefer women with natural hair, so many black women respond with “We don’t care what black men like or don’t like!”. Why is it that black women need all this attention and reassurance from black men, all of a sudden, when they wear their natural hair, but as soon as they wear weave or straightened hair, they don’t care what black men think?

I remember seeing a tweet some time ago where a black man said he didn’t like box braids and not only did black women respond with saying they “didn’t care what he liked”, they also posted pictures under his tweet with them in box braids out of spite to his tweet.

Why can’t black women do that when black men say something negative about their natural hair? Why do they all of a sudden care what black men think when they wear their natural hair? Why do they use black men saying something negative about natural hair as more of an excuse to wear weave and straightened hair, but when black men say something negative about weave and straightened hair, it doesn’t make them stop wearing weave or straightened hair?

Black women who use this excuse are full of crap! I’m sorry! Black men are not the reason you don’t wear your natural hair. Black men are not the reason you’re obsessed with weave and straightened hair. You’re not refusing to wear your natural hair because black men don’t like it. You’re refusing to wear your natural hair because YOU don’t like it! And you wear weave and straight hair, not because black men like it, but because YOU like it.

If you like wearing weave and straight hair, by all means, wear it. But STOP blaming black men for why you do it. Nobody is telling you to wear weave and straightened hair, but yourself!

This makes me think of how women of all races, not just black women, say that they wear makeup, dress in revealing clothing, and get plastic surgeries because men don’t pay attention to them when they don’t have makeup on, aren’t dressing in revealing clothing, or have their natural bodies. But as soon as a man says they prefer women without makeup and with natural bodies, want women to stop dressing in such revealing clothing, or women look better without makeup and surgeries, women say they don’t care what men think. Again, why do women care so much about what men think when they don’t have on makeup, aren’t dressing in revealing clothing, or don’t have surgeries, but when men say they don’t like those things when they wear them, all of a sudden, they don’t care what men think again?

Women get mad at men for saying they prefer how women look naturally because men busted their excuse. They love using men as an excuse for why they put so much unnatural things on and in their bodies for aesthetics and wear revealing clothing, but as soon as men say they don’t like all that stuff, women can’t use that as an excuse anymore.

The real reason women look for attention and reassurance from men suddenly when they wear their natural hair and go without makeup, dressing in revealing clothing, and surgeries is because they’re insecure with how they look naturally. They want men to give them more attention and reassurance so they can feel better. But when they wear weave, makeup, dress in revealing clothing, and get surgeries, their confidence is on 100%, so then all of a sudden, they no longer care what men think.

I’m sick of women blaming men for their choices. Wear weave, makeup, revealing clothing, and get surgeries all you want. But at least be honest and say you get them because YOU want to get them. Not because “men like it” or “men don’t like you when you don’t have it”. You prefer YOURSELF in weave and straightened hair. You prefer YOURSELF in makeup. You prefer YOURSELF in revealing clothing. You prefer YOURSELF in surgeries. You don’t get these things because men don’t like you without these things. YOU don’t like you without it.

Quit blaming that on men! Stop acting like you need so much reassurance from men when you’re in your natural state, then acting like you couldn’t care less about their reassurance when you’re wearing weave, straightened hair, makeup, revealing clothing, and plastic surgeries! Or quit lying and saying you don’t care about men’s opinions or their attention when you KNOW you do!

Is Black Women Wearing Weave Cultural Appropriation?

Whenever black women call out these white women or any other nonblack women who purposely and willingly copy things from black women and act like it’s some new thing, someone always says, “Well, what about black women wearing weave, blue/green eye contacts, and bleaching their skin? Aren’t they cultural appropriating?”

I think this question is stupid and deflecting. Instead of acknowledging that these nonblack women are copying black women and getting put on a pedestal while black women get overlooked or dogged out, they try to flip it on black women. Black women wearing weave, bleaching their skin, or wearing blue or green eye contacts is not cultural appropriation.

I feel like a lot of black women who do those things do it to feel more beautiful in a society that puts down black hair, skin, and features. White and other nonblack women who wear black women’s hairstyles, get surgeries to get black women’s body features, etc. aren’t getting those things to feel more beautiful because their looks are already the standard in this society.

Their looks are celebrated over black women’s in the media all the time. They copy our looks to be trendy and/or replace us in media and not to be more accepted because they will get accepted with or without the surgeries and hairstyles. Black women actually HAVE TO have lighter skin, straight hair, and a certain body shape to be accepted and celebrated in both media and regular society.

At the same time, although I believe black women altering their features is not cultural appropriating, I do believe it is wrong and hypocritical of us to cry and complain about other races of women “trying to look and be like us” when we’re sitting around with a straight blonde wig on or whenever we’re taking a picture online, we have to turn the brightness up to make our skin look lighter. We have a lot of nerve crying because some white woman wore braids when we don’t have our own hair in our heads.

One thing I’ve learned about white people is that they like to use people’s words against them. They know when they are cultural appropriating, but they like acting like they don’t know what it is. So, when they’re called out on it, they like flipping the script to, “Well, what about you?”

If we want to call them out for what they’re doing, we can at least not do the same thing they’re doing. We have to get rid of weaves and hair straightening, skin bleaching/photo lightening, different color eye contacts, or anything that remotely erases our blackness. It may not stop them cultural appropriating altogether, but at least they can’t use us as an excuse to keep doing it. We can call them out and actually hold them accountable for what they’re doing.

If we’re not going to stop with the straight hair and skin bleaching, we can’t say anything about them. They have a point when they say that. And we can’t bring up, “There are black women all over the world that have naturally straight hair and natural blue/green eyes,” when that’s not you. You don’t have naturally straight hair or natural blue or green eyes. That’s why you have to go buy it, so that’s an invalid argument.

We have to start accepting all of our features 100% with no altering. Then, and only then, will we be right in calling out all these nonblack women who are cultural appropriating. Until then, we can’t say anything.

Weave As A Protective Style Is A Lie & An Excuse!

I kind of didn’t want to write about this because it’s such a touchy subject and ruffles quite a few feathers, but I think this had to be said anyway. As of recent years, I’ve been hearing more and more black women say they wear weave as a “protective style” for their natural hair. I hate to say it, but hearing so many black women say this irritates me! It’s a really big, obvious lie, but so many black women cling onto it like they don’t see it.

I went natural a few years ago and I did it with the help of lots of natural hair tutorials on YouTube. Through watching those videos, I saw that no one needs weave to grow hair. I saw so many black women who grew their hair to bra strap length and longer WITHOUT weave.

I think of all the black women who had big, beautiful afros during the ’60s and ’70s and I never saw them use weave to grow it. I think of how long black women have been on this earth. We’ve had this same hair since the dawn of time. Why now, all of a sudden, do we need weave to grow our hair? When I think of it this way, this excuse sounds even more ridiculous. It really sadly proves how brainwashed we are about our own hair in this society. The truth is we’ve been conditioned with straight hair for so long, we literally forgot how to take care of our real hair how it grows out the scalp.

I believe women who wear weave hijacked the protective style term from the natural hair community. While on my journey of learning how to grow and care for my natural hair, I learned that protective styles are styles that you do with YOUR OWN hair to protect the ends, like braids or twists. Not once did I see these women use or mention weave.

I believe these women hijacked this term from the natural hair community because they want to go natural, but they aren’t 100% ready to give up weave completely. They’re so used to wearing weave, they don’t want to give it up just yet. The natural hair community has really shattered a lot of lies and excuses that’s been going around about our hair for many, many years—black people’s hair can’t grow long; only nonblack and mixed people’s hair can grow long; our hair is unmanageable; our hair is ugly—amongst so many others.

Since the natural hair community shattered all of these lies and excuses, there’s literally NO reason to wear weave at all. So the weave wearing women made one up to make it seem like there’s still a use for weaves amongst black women. I’m also thinking that maybe the hair industry made up and is pushing this lie. With more black women going natural, I’m sure it’s threatening the weave business. With more black women going natural, less of them would buy weave. So they needed to push that to keep black women buying weaves.

I know we don’t like to hear this, but we as black women need to give up weave FOR GOOD! Let’s stop following this society’s rules about how straight hair is better. Let’s stop allowing this society to force us into hating our hair. Let’s give up weave 100%. I know you might be afraid, but please don’t be. We need to go back to loving and accepting our true selves. We don’t need to wait until it’s considered “cool” by the rest of society to do it. We have to just do it and forget about anyone who has a negative comment.

When I first cut my hair and went natural, I had to hear negative comments from my own dad and brothers, saying I needed a texturizer to “make my hair easier to manage”; saying I would never get a job with my hair; saying that my hair was going to fall out; all kinds of stupid, ignorant comments. But my want and love for my own hair far outweighed the negative comments from those closest to me. Also, lots of other people outside of my family always complimented my hair, so I knew that they were full of crap for saying what they were saying about my hair. Now that my hair has grown a lot, they’re saying they want their hair to grow and look like mine. Isn’t that something?

I’m sharing a little of my story because I know that many women are mostly afraid to go completely natural and give up weave because they’re afraid of negative comments. I know many of the negative comments will come from people closest to us. I want to encourage other women to not be afraid.

I now realize after being natural for a few years that the people who make negative comments are afraid, too. I believe that when women go natural, it sparks something in other people. I think deep down, they want to do it, too, and your hair inspired them, but they just don’t have the courage. I also think it has to do with them just not being used to your hair not being straight. They’re so used to seeing you and other women around them wear straight hair that when they see one that doesn’t have straight hair, they think it looks weird.

We really need to let go of these lies and excuses. We will never fully accept our hair as our own if we keep using them. Never in history have we ever needed weave to grow our hair! Let that sink in and let’s act accordingly.